Join Chloe as she ventures onto the Commons before school starts to ask all of the low-stakes questions you never thought to ask.
Humor
MCL Humor/Satire Feature: Breaking News: Nashville Zoo Reveals that Vanderbilt University Will be its Newest Exhibit
NASHVILLE, Tenn. — An interactive experience is coming to Nashville sooner than you may expect.
In an unprecedented move, Vanderbilt University has partnered with the Nashville Zoo to bring their newest exhibit to life. Tour groups on Vanderbilt’s campus will now have the opportunity to stare blankly at real-life college students in their natural habitat.
This exciting educational opportunity provides a great insight into the fascinating walking habits of college students, and administrators from both organizations have expressed their gratitude towards the student body for their generous tuition payments that helped fund this exhibit.
In addition to the mesmerizing encounters with actual, literal, bona fide college students, this experience allows guests to block all the walkways on campus and get a feel for the many offerings they can take advantage of once they sell their soul to the Chancellor and agree to become a part of the exhibit themself.
A spokesperson for Vanderbilt University has emphasized the importance of this collaboration, stating, “These uncomfortable, behind-the-scenes encounters are crucial in establishing a connection between Vanderbilt and the outside world. By allowing random people to stare at students as they walk by, we hope to cause interactions that will help foster an appreciation and care for our students across the world.”
To be clear, I have nothing against tour groups as a concept, but it is a bit awkward how they all stare at you the same way as you walk by. And the bridge bottleneck…….
The ABC’s of VU
We all know our ABC’s — it’s the first thing we learn in kindergarten. The alphabet is the foundation on which language, literacy, and education build.
Similarly, the ABC’s of Vanderbilt University are crucial for every new Vandy student to learn. Keep on reading to learn the A-Z list of what you need to know about Vanderbilt culture.
A – Anchor Down
“Anchor Down!” A friendly greeting amongst Vanderbilt students, a way to show school spirit, and a symbol paying homage to our Commodore pride. Simply make the letters “V U” with your thumb, index, and middle finger (which also conveniently doubles as the shape of an anchor), and get ready to anchor down!
B – Blair
Blair School of Music is one of Vanderbilt’s four undergraduate schools. From music performance to composition to jazz studies and more, Blair is filled to the brim with talent!
C – Commons
The Commons is Vanderbilt’s “freshman campus,” so to speak. Made up of ten residence halls called houses, Commons is an introductory type of living/learning community that helps first-year students transition to college and life away from home.
D – Diermeier
Dr. Daniel Diermeier actively serves as the ninth chancellor of Vanderbilt University. Born and raised in Germany, Diermeier was a first-generation college graduate. Before starting his position at Vanderbilt in 2020, Diermeier worked in a variety of higher education institutions, including Stanford University, Northwestern University, and University of Chicago.
E – E-Scooters
The infamous E-Scooters… if you haven’t had to dodge being run over by one, can you even call yourself a true Vanderbilt student? We all might be subconsciously jealous of the convenience of zipping across campus effortlessly rather than walking, but that doesn’t stop us from uniting in the universal disdain for e-scooter riders.
F – Free Laundry
Thanks to a VSG (Vanderbilt Student Government) initiative in 2020, we now enjoy the luxury of free laundry in residence halls across campus! No more collecting countless rolls of quarters to ensure you’ll have clean clothes to wear.
G – Greek Life
About 43% of Vanderbilt’s undergraduate student body belongs to Greek organizations, including sororities and fraternities. Rush, Greek Row, parties, and tailgates are all staples of Greek Life, and you’re sure to find evidence of these aspects on Vanderbilt’s campus.
H – Hawkins Field
Home to the VandyBoys baseball team, Hawkins Field holds up to 3,700 spectators. As a Division I team in the SEC, the VandyBoys are an extremely competitive team. Just a few of their many successes include five College World Series appearances and two National Championships.
I – Immersion Vanderbilt
Immersion Vanderbilt is a graduation requirement that encourages experiential learning, curiosity, and exploration. The four pillars of Immersion are experience, reflect, ideate, and create. Each student must choose to fulfill their Immersion requirement through one of the following: civic/professional development, creative expression, international experience, or research.
J – James Patterson
Did you know that James Patterson received his master’s degree in English from Vanderbilt? Patterson is a popular author especially known for his novels in the suspense-thriller/mystery genre. James Patterson has sold over 230 million books worldwide, and he has earned his spot as one of the wealthiest authors of all time.
K – Kissam
Kissam Center, conveniently located adjacent to Warren & Moore College Halls, has everything a college student could possibly need: a Munchie Mart, a dining hall, seating areas, seminar rooms, event spaces, and more! Kissam Kitchen is a campus-wide favorite for their açai bowls and made-to-order Kissam bowls.
L – Libraries
The Jean and Alexander Heard Libraries offer nine locations across campus including Central Library, Eskind Biomedical Library, Peabody Library, Stevenson Library for Science and Engineering, and more. Central Library even has a Suzie’s Cafe, making it one of the favorite locales on campus. If you’re ever looking for a quiet place where you’ll undoubtedly be productive, the libraries are perfect for you!
M – Mr. C
Mr. C (short for Mr. Commodore) is our beloved mascot here at Vanderbilt. Ranked among the Top 3 “Sexiest College Mascots in America” according to a survey conducted by QualityLogoProducts, Mr. C is most certainly a fan favorite!
N – NashVegas
As we all know, Vanderbilt is located in the dynamic city of Nashville, Tennessee. Nashville, more lovingly called “NashVegas” by our students, offers endless opportunities for restaurants, shopping, live music, fun, and so much more. Especially on the weekends, NashVegas is a non-stop party!
O – OHARE (Office of Housing and Residential Experience)
With the residential experience as an integral part of life at Vanderbilt, OHARE works to ensure that our living communities are inclusive, comfortable, safe, and enjoyable. Whether you’re living on the Commons, in a Residential College, or part of a Living Learning Community (LLC), OHARE is behind the scenes to create a smooth housing process.
P – Peabody
Peabody College is Vanderbilt’s School of Education, which is actually ranked #1 in the country! The Peabody campus is located right next to Commons, so the Peabody Esplanade is a great spot to set out a picnic blanket and enjoy the sun with friends. One of the most famous buildings on campus, Wyatt Center (the building with the dome) is a beautiful, picture-perfect addition to campus.
Q – Quarter-Zip
The quarter-zip is one of the most popular articles of clothing sported on Vanderbilt’s campus. With a preppy vibe and an athletic twist, quarter-zips are comfortable while still maintaining the air of “Southern Charm.” Every Vanderbilt student owns at least one quarter-zip with the school logo… sorry, I don’t make the rules.
R – Rand
Rand is a dining hall attached to Sarratt Student Center, right at the heart of Main Campus. Although Rand is only open for breakfast and lunch on weekdays, there are many food options to choose from. Chicken Shack, Fresh Mex, Randwiches, Mongolian Grill, 2301… the choice lies in your hands now.
S – Stevenson Center
Stevenson Center (which houses STEM classrooms, offices, research labs, and a library) is widely regarded as the most confusing building on Vanderbilt’s campus. I don’t know who decided how to number the different buildings within the center, but inexperienced souls who wander into this labyrinth get easily lost and might never emerge.
T – Todd Chemistry
I personally think Dr. Todd is a gem, but her class is no joke. Gen Chem is notoriously hard at Vanderbilt, and students all across campus dread the prospect of tackling this course.
U – UCC (University Counseling Center)
As the main center for mental health care on campus, the UCC offers both drop-in hours and scheduled appointments. If you’ve never worked with the UCC before, it’s important to first schedule an appointment with the OSCC (Office of Student Care Coordination).
V – VUceptor
The VUcept program is a mentorship organization that matches each incoming first-year student to a faculty VUceptor, a student VUceptor, and a Visions group. This program serves to introduce new Commodores to the Vanderbilt community and help them through the transition from life at home to college.
W – Wond’ry
The Wond’ry is Vanderbilt’s Center for Innovation, located in the ESB (Engineering and Sciences Building). The Wond’ry offers a variety of different makerspaces with resources such as 3D-printing, virtual reality labs, workshops, and more that allow creativity to come to life. If you have an idea, the Wond’ry will help you make it a tangible reality.
X – Xfinity On Campus
Xfinity On Campus is available through OHARE, allowing students to stream live TV, watch on demand, and even access HBO Max. Just log into Xfinity using their “On Campus Students” sign-in portal, and you’re good to go!
Y – Y‘all
If you haven’t slipped this Southern classic into your vernacular, can you even claim to go to a Nashville, Tennessee based school? This fits every situation, like “did y’all have fun at Commons Ball?”, or “Y’all, I am struggling this week”, or our personal favorite, “All y’all need to be checking out MyCommons Life every week”.
Z – Zeppos Tower
Named after former chancellor Nicholas S. Zeppos, Zeppos Tower is a famous landmark part of the Zeppos Residential College. The tower is easy to spot all across West End, almost serving as a lighthouse that guides our students back home. Although undergraduate students don’t have access to Zeppos Tower, seeing the view from the top is on every Vandy student’s bucket list.
Is there something in the walls?
Does everyone just have a mysterious cough? Any lecture hall I walk into sounds like a choir performing bronchitis the musical. I can barely even hear the professor, but I mean My attention span doesn’t last that long anyways so I’m not missing much. But it’s not the average cough, it’s a mixture of a very dry and thick cough, like it rings in the air for at least 2 minutes, and I can feel it ringing in MY chest. Couldn’t imagine myself, but my lack of imagination got the best of me.
I had the pleasure of getting sick just two weeks ago. I thought it was just a common cold, but then my cough wouldn’t stop. Like WOULD NOT stop. I realized that it happened only when I was in my dorm. As soon as I walked in it was as if I had walked into a cloud of dust and it was turning my lungs inside out. I’m not the type of person to get sick very badly, I usually thug it out without medicine (don’t be like me). When I realized I only had allergy medicine and not cough medicine I started to heavily regret my life decisions. I don’t even have allergies. Why is that the only medicine I own?
I honestly feel so bad for my roommate, she probably thought I had tuberculosis lowkey. Also, my floormates, it’s like the sickness is just roaming through the vents waiting to catch its next victim. One thing I thought was odd was the fact that I was fine literally anywhere on campus. No cough, not even a sniffle. But as SOON as I walked into a residential hall I was on the brink of death and could not breathe to save my life (quite literally). It made me think about how much dust accumulates in the dorms. Where is it even coming from? When was the last time each room was deep cleaned? I try not to dwell on these questions too much for my own sanity. Sometimes staying oblivious is best.
College sickness is on a completely different level. It’s ok I’ve learned my lesson, but others have not. PSA if you are sick, please stay away from me, that’s a once in a lifetime experience, I’m not sure if I would survive another one. Also, if you are the one that got me sick, I hope both sides of your pillow are hot!
MCL Top 5: Embarrassing Things To Do as a First-Year
Since we all experienced the whole move in process just recently, what would be a better Top 5 than embarrassing things we all did or are afraid to do. So to kick off the second week, let’s all dive into this week’s top 5!
5. Getting lost on campus: I mean I understand that campus is huge…but being that guy is terrifying. Also, google maps tends to load very slowly and fails people every time. My parents and I were literally driving around campus for like 20 minutes and we passed my dorm like 10 times. Honestly, I blame the fact that most buildings don’t have names on them, it’s just…bricks y’know.
4. Forget someone’s name over and over again: I literally met so many people it’s not even funny. What’s also not funny is me forgetting that I had already met one person or forgot their name. That’s that early onset alzheimers like I just do not understand.
3. Using a fake id: You’re so silly. Most places don’t even take it anyways. Please save your bread. It’s even more embarrassing to get caught with it. I’d laugh.
2. Going down the elevator without your phone: AHAHAHAHA! This one right here, oh my goodness. The elevators will only allow you to go down NOT up (at least I am about 75% sure). Don’t even bother trying to use the stairs because you will get trapped lol. I mean just keep knocking on the door and pray that someone walks past. Literally your phone is your life source. You need it for meal swipes, to enter your building, elevators, stair access, etc. Just do yourself a favor and handle it with care.
1. Losing your key: Everyone’s worst fear. Imagine having to pay $75…could not be me. Worst feeling ever, adding onto your 80k debt. Personally I wouldn’t be able to sleep…I mean you wouldn’t be able to get into your dorm anyways. Also your RA’s will probably highly dislike you.
Well that’s all that I have for this week. Enjoy, make friends, go lay in the green grass! Try to stay safe and not homeless, hang on to your keys. Lastly, congrats class of 2026!!! Anchor Down baby! ;D
Diary of a Tired Vanderbilt Student
Hey, y’all! Today I felt inspired to write a few short satirical pieces about some recent experiences I have had at Vanderbilt.
Calculus Rules
Dear Diary,
Entering Calculus class this morning—9am sharp—left a bitter taste in my mouth. I couldn’t tell if it was the usual morning breath or a feeling inside that confirmed the evident dislike I had developed for mathematics. Whatever it was, I knew I couldn’t focus on the lecture yet again. Instead, I doodled on my iPad in the margin lines of my notes whenever the professor stopped writing down equations.
Actually, let’s talk about that for a second. Is it just me or do all good mathematicians write at breakneck speeds? Maybe they have already solved the problem in their heads, and they write so fast as to keep the image of the solution fresh. It would make sense now that I think about it.
Anyway, I have been meaning to attend my professor’s office hours these days, but I have always backed down at the thought of being humiliated for having such little understanding of the content. Practice makes perfect, they say. Though whenever I try to make Calc a priority, I never end up working on as many problems as I should.
Sorry Calculus. After all, I am just an English major visiting.
Signed,
Anonymous
A Keepsake of a Mistake
Dear Diary,
I decided to go for a Randwich today after Spanish class. Yes, I was brave enough to wait out that long line from rush hour. Oh, and guess who was in front of me while I was waiting?
Someone from Visions. I wanted to say hi to them, but they seemed pretty occupied with their phone. It wasn’t until we split paths for ordering that they looked to the side and waved at me. I had to smile a little at the innocence of it all. But before I could contemplate the interaction any longer, I was asked, “What are you having?” for the third time (possibly fourth).
I went with the usual: hoagie roll, turkey and bacon (not to be confused with turkey bacon), and cheddar cheese. When it came time for the toppings, I always kept it simple—just lettuce.
And honey mustard. Definitely cannot forget honey mustard. I could have sworn I told them honey mustard…but when they dabbed a green paste on my sandwich, I assumed I said otherwise. Technically, I had time to double-check that they had the right sauce in hand, but I know how hard the campus dining staff work. I didn’t want to be another headache.
On my first bite, I tasted the pesto. I ended up skipping lunch for the day.
Signed,
Mystery
I Came for the Giveaway
Dear Diary,
Confession time.
I went to the basketball game today, and I went alone because all my friends were busy. It was a busy Saturday for me too, so I already knew I would not stay the entire game.
Well, it turns out that this basketball game had a jersey giveaway. What? No, of course I did not make the sole purpose of me going to the game about a shirt that was, frankly, three times my size…
Look, I know I was not the only one, okay? Plus, I deserve this jersey! I was in need of a collectible.
#SorryNotSorry
Signed,
Some Hank Resident
I SURVIVED – Gen Chem Massacre 2.0
It’s that time of year again! We’ve just gotten through our first round of mid-terms, and though it wasn’t easy, we SURVIVED.
Like lambs to the slaughter, the horde of Gen Chem students trekked despondently to the exam. Our execution date was Thursday, February 17th. Even flash floods, tornados, and rainstorms couldn’t delay our inevitable destruction.
We struggled through this whole process last semester as well, but our first-year class remains resilient through the good, the bad, and the ugly. Let’s see what they have to say about their second survival against all odds:
THE GOOD
“I’m feeling cautiously optimistic…”
“Tara Todd giving out gum was the highlight of my day.”
“Dr. Todd is my Vandy mom!”
“I don’t care what the Gen Chem exam says… I’m going to be a doctor one day. Period.”
THE BAD
“I’m glad I’m in orgo…”
“I choked on a jolly rancher when I turned it in.”
“When I was walking back from the Chem exam, I called my mom and she asked why I was running. I was only walking uphill…”
“I was literally PRAYING that the tornado would get our exam canceled.”
THE UGLY
“My rate of success in Gen Chem is exponentially decreasing…”
“I don’t have anything positive to say about the Chem department.”
“I felt it was an unnecessary waste of medical students’ time.”
“Vandy’s deliberate effort to stop people from achieving their dreams.”
“Gen Chem — for the heartless, for the weak, for the pauper… weeping, screaming, dying… A test to end it all.”
MORAL OF THE STORY:
“idk which storm was worse… the tornado or the Gen Chem massacre?”
MCL Quiz: Which of these Vandy Personalities Are You?
[viralQuiz id=24]
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MCL Top 5 Reasons I Don’t Need to Work on my Essay Right Now
As we enter the fourth week of the semester, there is an obvious change in the air. A new season is coming, and don’t mean spring (a rodent in Pennsylvania declared we’ll have to wait a bit longer for that). I’m talking about essay season. That’s right: now that the shopping period has ended and we’re stuck in the classes we’ve picked, it’s time to learn what our actual workload will be for the next few months. But as I (like many of you) get an essay assigned in every class over the course of just one week, I find it helpful to remember that life is about more than just schoolwork. That is why I present to you the MCL Top 5 reasons I don’t need to work on my essay right now.
1. It’s not due tomorrow
Due dates can make a huge difference. It would be ridiculous to waste my time today if I could work on it tomorrow. Who cares if it’s 10 pages long and I haven’t technically “started” yet. If my professor actually wanted me to work on it tonight, why would he have made it due on Friday?
2. It’s so nice out today
These really nice days are few and far between. I would hate to miss the opportunity to get some fresh air and sunlight. What if it’s cold or rainy tomorrow, and I can’t go outside? That’s just not a risk I’m willing to take. Who knows: maybe going outside will make me better focused and more productive when I come back in to write my essay.
3. This class is just for AXLE credit
So what if I don’t do well in this class? I’m only taking it to fill an HCA credit anyways. I won’t need to know any of this for my career. I just need to get a passing grade, so I can move onto the subjects I actually care about.
4. I deserve a break
That’s right. I do deserve a break. I’ve been working really hard, and I should reward myself for it. It doesn’t matter that I just got off my last break. I’m a hardworking and amazing student. I have earned some downtime and maybe even a quick, three-hour nap. Yay me!
5. Will this essay really matter in 10 years?
Well . . . will it? I don’t think so. In a decade, I’m not going to be sitting around thinking about how I should have written that one essay a day earlier. Odds are that I won’t even remember this essay by next semester, let alone much later in life. If that’s the case then I shouldn’t stress out about this essay at all. I will write it when I choose to write it, and that’s okay.