MCL Blog

An introvert being in a relationship sounds like an oxymoron.  

How does someone who prefers to be by themselves most of the time end up in a situation where they have to be with another person most of the time? 

How does an introvert even get to the relationship stage? 

I’m no love expert, but for this Valentine’s Day, I’ve picked up a few tips for y’all to work up your nerve to tell that someone how you feel (or… at least think about doing so). 

1. Vibe Them Out 

A lot of times, people will show you who they are. Vibe them out. Can you actually talk to them or are your conversations a series of awkward silences?  

If you find yourself putting in too much work to make it work, maybe you need to reconsider whether this person is for you.

2. Don’t Fear the Answer 

No.  

Those two letters, or really any another answer that isn’t a yes, is enough to stop someone from telling another person how they feel. This is less about introversion and more about being shy or scared, but it can be easy to let your fear of an answer stop you from saying what you want to say. 

This is just college! We’re not in a race or some crazy version of Love Island where you have to be with someone or have someone in your life by a deadline. Say what you want to say and don’t fear the answer.  

3. Now What?  

Remember life goes on. If you have your eye on a special someone this Valentine’s Day and you’re willing to put in the work to make room for them in your life, just try.  

If you don’t, ordering cinnamon sticks and pepperoni pizza and watching Archer is also a very valid way to celebrate Valentine’s Day.

Either way, I think you’ll find yourself satisfied.  

Third-wheeling when you’re with a romantic couple is one of the most awkward things you can experience.

But, third-wheeling, as a stranger, with people who are already friends is something else.

We know that it’s important to put yourself out there, right? You can’t always wait for someone else to approach you and you can’t always sit in silence and be fine with letting life go on without you participating in it.

But when you’re third-wheeling it can be so easy to let the people who already have established friendships talk around you while you sit quietly in the corner, observing it all.

You got to break the “third” wall.

Now, what does that mean?

Normally, the phrase “breaking the fourth wall” refers to when a character addresses the audience in the real world, rather than participating in the fantasy world that the story is taking place in. That character is breaking down the wall that exists between the world they usually exist in and engaging in a new one.

What I’m talking about is breaking the third, or fourth, or fifth wall. However many people are in this group, break into it. Stepping out of the comfortable world that you’re used to, and into what’s actually going on around you.

To break this fourth wall, it means you’re going to have to be uncomfortable. You’re going to have to – and I know this sounds crazy- initiate conversation. Introduce yourself and try to get that conversation ball rolling.

I’m not going to be a hypocrite and pretend that I’ve mastered this. There have been times where I have sat in a group of four people and not said a word as they talked around me simply because I was more comfortable being an observer.

This year though, I am making it a point to break down that third, fourth, or even fifth wall when I can and try to establish new relationships with new people and I invite y’all to try it too.

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The weekend is a necessity for most of us, a break from the craziness of the work week. And the weekend means different things to all of us. Maybe you get to sleep in more or catch up on a TV show. However, for a lot of people, the end of the work week is the beginning of the party week.

            Now, I think parties are fun, even as an introvert. As long as I have a few friends with me, I can make the large crowds work. But, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel pressured into joining the party when I would rather spend the weekend recharging after a long week. And sometimes that pressure can be hard to ignore.

            While you should push yourself to be a part of social events and go out with friends, don’t be afraid to say no. I’ve been around people who are able to go out every single night on the weekend, and while the idea of it sounds fun, I know I would be exhausted by the end of it. So, I’ve learned to say no to invitations.

Something that’s hard to believe for some people is that though many people attend parties, many people also stay away from them. Throughout our college years, there will be hundreds of parties, but mental health should always come first. It’s okay to say no to the party.

Victorious is on Netflix now, so saying no is the better option anyway. 🙂

I cannot think of a place worse than an elevator for an introvert.

You and another person, less than five feet apart, the only sounds being your breathing, the beeps of the elevator, and that almost tangible feeling of expectation as each person waits for the other to say something first.

Luckily for us, we only have to take the elevator a thousand times a day.

Seriously though, pre-college me was content to stand in elevators in silence as I got to where I needed to go.

Maybe it’s the not so subtle way Vanderbilt tries to get us to socialize with each other or the openness of so many people across the campus, but elevator rides aren’t as daunting as they used to be. Even a smile and saying “hey” can be enough to ease that awkwardness that can sometimes pop up.

So maybe next time say no to the urge to look at everything but the person you’re in the elevator with and say hey instead.

Introvert: a quiet, reserved, or shy person who prefers situations that require minimal levels of stimulation.

College is hard.

It’s a new experience, a new level of pressure, and a whole new environment that you may feel almost thrown into.

But beyond all that, there are new social situations that you have to navigate, a lot of them where first impressions are your only chance to make an impression.

If you’re an introvert like me, situations like that and so many others can be daunting. You may feel scared, nervous, or think about avoiding social situations all together by hiding in your dorm and locking the door to ward off potential visitors.

And while I’m not innocent of doing that (maybe more than one time…maybe even this weekend), I’m also very aware that being an introvert all the time in college can lead to missing out on opportunities that could have been received if I had stepped out of my comfort zone a little bit.

So, for all the introverts out there on the Vanderbilt campus, this is the first installment in an officially unofficial guide on how to be an introvert in college while also navigating the social scene in different ways. It’s not always enjoyable or comfortable, but necessary.

And who knows, we may end up liking being around other people for extended periods of time at the end of it all.