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Features

Diary of a Tired Vanderbilt Student

April 5, 2022 by Stephan Bellamy

Hey, y’all! Today I felt inspired to write a few short satirical pieces about some recent experiences I have had at Vanderbilt.

Calculus Rules

Dear Diary,

Entering Calculus class this morning—9am sharp—left a bitter taste in my mouth. I couldn’t tell if it was the usual morning breath or a feeling inside that confirmed the evident dislike I had developed for mathematics. Whatever it was, I knew I couldn’t focus on the lecture yet again. Instead, I doodled on my iPad in the margin lines of my notes whenever the professor stopped writing down equations.

Actually, let’s talk about that for a second. Is it just me or do all good mathematicians write at breakneck speeds? Maybe they have already solved the problem in their heads, and they write so fast as to keep the image of the solution fresh. It would make sense now that I think about it.

Anyway, I have been meaning to attend my professor’s office hours these days, but I have always backed down at the thought of being humiliated for having such little understanding of the content. Practice makes perfect, they say. Though whenever I try to make Calc a priority, I never end up working on as many problems as I should.

Sorry Calculus. After all, I am just an English major visiting.

Signed,
Anonymous

A Keepsake of a Mistake

Dear Diary,

I decided to go for a Randwich today after Spanish class. Yes, I was brave enough to wait out that long line from rush hour. Oh, and guess who was in front of me while I was waiting?

Someone from Visions. I wanted to say hi to them, but they seemed pretty occupied with their phone. It wasn’t until we split paths for ordering that they looked to the side and waved at me. I had to smile a little at the innocence of it all. But before I could contemplate the interaction any longer, I was asked, “What are you having?” for the third time (possibly fourth).

I went with the usual: hoagie roll, turkey and bacon (not to be confused with turkey bacon), and cheddar cheese. When it came time for the toppings, I always kept it simple—just lettuce.

And honey mustard. Definitely cannot forget honey mustard. I could have sworn I told them honey mustard…but when they dabbed a green paste on my sandwich, I assumed I said otherwise. Technically, I had time to double-check that they had the right sauce in hand, but I know how hard the campus dining staff work. I didn’t want to be another headache.

On my first bite, I tasted the pesto. I ended up skipping lunch for the day.

Signed,
Mystery

I Came for the Giveaway

Dear Diary,

Confession time.

I went to the basketball game today, and I went alone because all my friends were busy. It was a busy Saturday for me too, so I already knew I would not stay the entire game.

Well, it turns out that this basketball game had a jersey giveaway. What? No, of course I did not make the sole purpose of me going to the game about a shirt that was, frankly, three times my size…

Look, I know I was not the only one, okay? Plus, I deserve this jersey! I was in need of a collectible.

#SorryNotSorry

Signed,
Some Hank Resident

Filed Under: Features, Humor, Satire

Top 5 Cleanses To Go On

March 29, 2022 by Elizabeth Ebhogiaye

Photo by Keegan Houser from Pexels

Time to bring up those New Years’ resolutions again!

This time of the year for some people is Lent, which is a religious event in which you give up a temptation of yours for a specific amount of time in order to practice self-control and to spend more time doing other things in your daily life. Even if you are not religious, this practice is beneficial for the mental and emotional health of practically anybody. So here’s a challenge: give up a craving of yours for a week and see how you do! Read the following for some ideas on what to give up!

  1. Sugar – For all my sweet-tooths out there, eat a salad. At the end of your fast, stop by Jeni’s and get all the ice cream pints to stock up in your fridge as you want. But for now, eat a salad. It’s healthier, and who knows? You might live longer. (;
  2. Complaining – This idea is trageted at myself specifically. When things do not go my way, I complain about it. It’s just a natural response for me. However, I forget that things could be way worse than what they are now. I have a lot to be grateful for, and yet, I tend to take all of those things for granted. So, the next time I feel like complaining, I’m gonna tell someone (EX: my study buddy in Calc) or something (my weekly 2301 bowl) that I am thankful for their or its presence.
  3. Coffee – Some people say they love coffee, but actually, they love the cream and sugar they ask for in their milkshake-like frappucinos. Anywho (sorry to rip into some of y’all), coffee is an addictive substance that can keep you awake but can also make you jittery and anxious. You’re better off skipping the daily morning drink, and… I don’t know, maybe GETTING ENOUGH SLEEP AT NIGHT?!?! Stop staying up ’til 4 am watching Tik Tok. Your body and brain will thank you when you can go to bed at 11 pm and wake up at 8 am every day consitstently.
  4. Procrastinating – This may be the most difficult suggestion on the list simply because it is such an easy thing to do. If you have an assignment that is due in a week, are you going to start it now? NO! You’re gonna get on HBO, and wait two years for the 3rd season of Euphoria to come out. Well, maybe you can plan out your schedule, so that you have small goals to accomplish each day towards getting your work done. With this less stressful approach to studying and homework, you can beat that procrastination monkey to a pulp! (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=arj7oStGLkU)
  5. Cursing – I respect your right to free speech, but cursing can be a bad habit. You do not want to be in the middle of an interview and accidentally drop your pen and instinctively yell out “@#$%!” That would significantly lower your chances of getting hired. I know, “YoU cAn’T hElP iT.” If you make it less of a habit, you’ll have better control of your language, and you’ll be less likely to slip up in inappropriate situations.

REMEMBER: Do not stress if you break your fast in less than a week! It’s okay! Be kind to yourself. You are trying. Trying takes effort. Putting in the effort proves that you are committed, and because of that, I’m proud of you! Go you!

Your #1 Cheerleader,

Elizabeth (:

Filed Under: Features, MCL Top Five

MCL Top 5: Memories From The Emerald Isle

March 15, 2022 by Devin Laye

Thank goodness for Spring Break! Right when we need it most, it’s always there to save us and rejuvenate us for that final push towards the end of the semester.

For my Spring Break, I decided to go on an adventure to Ireland (also lovingly known as “The Emerald Isle”). Words cannot even describe how beautiful everything was — from rolling green countryside to old stone castles to cliffs towering over undulating ocean below.

Although it’s incredibly difficult to choose just five of my favorite memories, here are some of the top highlights from my Spring Break on the Emerald Isle!

1. The Cliffs of Moher

The Cliffs of Moher completely took my breath away. With crashing waves, 9 miles of cliffs, and blue water that seemed to stretch forever, this is a certainly an experience I will never forget.


2. Kissing the Blarney Stone

A trip to Ireland would be incomplete without a visit to the Blarney Castle! Legend has it that the famous Blarney Stone is good luck, so turning upside-down and kissing the stone granted me the Gift of Gab.


3. Glendalough

Glendalough is a beautiful valley with two lakes filled from a glacial melting following the last ice age. In addition to a gorgeous hike in nature, Glendalough is also home to an Early Medieval monastic site.


4. Jaunting through Killarney National Park

Killarney National Park is nestled within the beautiful Ring of Kerry. One morning while staying in Killarney, I woke up at dawn and went jaunting through Killarney National Park! The views were absolutely unreal, and Suzie the Horse made an excellent guide.


5. St. Patrick’s Cathedral

St. Patrick’s Day is coming up on Thursday, March 17th, but I had the privilege of visiting this patron saint of Ireland’s very own cathedral in Dublin! The stained glass was incredible, and I learned that the Guinness family (yes, as in the beer…) paid for the restoration of this monumental Gothic cathedral.

Filed Under: Features, MCL Top Five

Call For Unity

March 15, 2022 by Elizabeth Ebhogiaye

Is it too much to ask for peace?

For unity and understanding amongst people that are different from each other?

But all I see are ties breaking.

Why are you guys doing this instead?

To mess with my already dwindling mental health?

To put other people down deliberately?

To prop yourself up in comparison to them,

But only temporarily?

But at what costs, may I ask?

Conflict is necessary sometimes, I get it…

For the good of the group, for the health of the group.

We are all individuals with different needs and ideas.

We should learn from each other, not insult and invalidate each other.

If it takes a level-headed debate to come to a compromise, so be it.

Why do we have to undergo so much turmoil:

The emotional labor of justifying your own existence,

Attempting to combat negative stereotypes unfairly placed on your cultural group,

And feeling as if no one outside of your cultural group stands in solidarity with you.

What a feeling that many experience and many will never experience at all.

Filed Under: Features, Opinion

MCL Quiz: Guessing Your Favorite Studying Spot

February 22, 2022 by Stephan Bellamy

We all need a good place to study for exams, and what better place than Central Library? Or Stevenson? Perhaps Sarratt? This quiz uses your likes and dislikes to predict your go-to study spot. Try it out to see if the algorithm knows you well :0

[viralQuiz id=40]

Filed Under: Features

I SURVIVED – Gen Chem Massacre 2.0

February 22, 2022 by Devin Laye

It’s that time of year again! We’ve just gotten through our first round of mid-terms, and though it wasn’t easy, we SURVIVED.

Like lambs to the slaughter, the horde of Gen Chem students trekked despondently to the exam. Our execution date was Thursday, February 17th. Even flash floods, tornados, and rainstorms couldn’t delay our inevitable destruction.

We struggled through this whole process last semester as well, but our first-year class remains resilient through the good, the bad, and the ugly. Let’s see what they have to say about their second survival against all odds:

THE GOOD

“I’m feeling cautiously optimistic…”

“Tara Todd giving out gum was the highlight of my day.”

“Dr. Todd is my Vandy mom!”

“I don’t care what the Gen Chem exam says… I’m going to be a doctor one day. Period.”

THE BAD

“I’m glad I’m in orgo…”

“I choked on a jolly rancher when I turned it in.”

“When I was walking back from the Chem exam, I called my mom and she asked why I was running. I was only walking uphill…”

“I was literally PRAYING that the tornado would get our exam canceled.”

THE UGLY

“My rate of success in Gen Chem is exponentially decreasing…”

“I don’t have anything positive to say about the Chem department.”

“I felt it was an unnecessary waste of medical students’ time.”

“Vandy’s deliberate effort to stop people from achieving their dreams.”

“Gen Chem — for the heartless, for the weak, for the pauper… weeping, screaming, dying… A test to end it all.”

MORAL OF THE STORY:

“idk which storm was worse… the tornado or the Gen Chem massacre?”

Filed Under: Features, Humor, Satire

Commons Cupdate 2/23

February 22, 2022 by Daniel Sak

The Finalists: Hank and North Pool Teams. (From left to right) Hank’s Xavier Shattuck and Daniel Sak. North’s Jacob Tomas and Marcus Kamen

Crawford’s first victory. Two more wins for Hank. Spring trivia just days away. Here’s everything you need to know about the latest developments in the Commons Cup.

Pull Tab Week

The first service event of the Commons Cup was held February 3rd through 10th. Each house worked to collect pull tabs to give to the Ronald McDonald House. Points were awarded based on the design of the collection jug and the number of tabs collected by the house. West House won the jug decorating contest. Hank House won the pull tab collection portion of the competition.

Table Tennis Tournament

On Sunday February 20th, the table tennis portion of the Indoor Recreation Tournament was held in the Commons Center MPR. The results were as follows:

First Round

  • East defeated West
  • Murray defeated Memorial

Second Round

  • Sutherland defeated Hank
  • Crawford defeated East
  • Murray defeated Gillette
  • Stambaugh advanced automatically (North did not show and therefor forfeited)

Semifinals

  • Crawford defeated Sutherland
  • Murray defeated Stambaugh

Championship

  • Crawford defeated Murray

The Podium

1st Place – Crawford clenched their first victory. Before Sunday, Crawford had not won a single game in athletics, but this house put in the work to go straight from a string of losses to tournament champions. This victory should feel as sweet as honey.

2nd Place – Murray makes their first podium. Like Crawford, this was a house that just could not seem to find the winning formula last semester, but they may have hit their stride in 2022.

3rd Place – Stambaugh is in the game. Following a podium appearance at the last trivia event, Stambaugh makes it back to the podium thanks to a tight game against Murray. I have a feeling they’ll want to be back for more.

Pool

On Sunday February 20th, the pool portion of the Indoor Recreation Tournament was held on the Commons Center main floor. The results were as follows:

First Round

  • East defeated West
  • Memorial defeated Murray

Second Round

  • Hank defeated Sutherland
  • North defeated Stambaugh
  • East defeated Crawford
  • Gillette defeated Memorial

Semifinals

  • Hank defeated East
  • North defeated Gillette

Championship

  • Hank defeated North

Podium

1st Place – Hank is a podium regular. This is Hank’s third win and fifth time on a Commons Cup podium. This house is a serious contender to win it all.

2nd Place – North is back in the game. When this house shows up, they play to win. In every athletic event they have played in, North made it to at least the semifinals. This is a house to watch out for.

Spring Trivia

This Sunday February 27th is the Spring Trivia Tournament. This is the final event for the Academics portion of the Commons Cup. The tournament will take place in the Commons MPR, and attendance will count for Commons Cup Points. If you are interested in playing, contact your house president.

Disclaimer: Daniel Sak, the author of this piece, is the Vice President of Hank Ingram House and was a member of the Hank Ingram Pool Team

Filed Under: Commons Cupdate, Features

MCL Quiz: Which of these Vandy Personalities Are You?

February 15, 2022 by CommonsAdmin

[viralQuiz id=24]

Filed Under: Features, Humor

MCL Top 5 Things to Know About Friday’s Commons Mix Up Event

February 15, 2022 by Daniel Sak

1. What is the event?

For their Commons Mix Up event, East and Hank House will be hosting a Game Show Night in the Commons MPR. Participants will be called up on stage and offered the opportunity to compete in a variety of game show-themed games. This will be the third Mix Up event of the year (and first of the Spring Semester).

2. When is the event?

The event will run Friday from 8 to 10 PM. Everyone is welcome to stop by for just five minutes or the full two hours. Just remember that the longer you stay, the better your odds of getting called up for a game are.

3. What games will be played?

Wheel of Fortune, Family Feud, and the Price is Right (just to name a few). There will also be a several short Kahoots (on fun and random topics) for the whole audience to take part in.

4. Will there be prizes?

YES! There will be over 200 prizes up for grabs. These include everything from candy bars and inflatables to Vanderbilt gear to and Echo Dot.

5. Will there be food?

Free snacks and beverages will be served. This includes chips, cookies, candy, pop, and hot chocolate.

*Disclaimer: Daniel Sak, the author of this piece, is Vice President of Hank House.

Filed Under: Features, MCL Top Five

The ABC’s of VU

February 8, 2022 by Devin Laye

We all know our ABC’s — it’s the first thing we learn in kindergarten. The alphabet is the foundation on which language, literacy, and education build.

Similarly, the ABC’s of Vanderbilt University are crucial for every new Vandy student to learn. Keep on reading to learn the A-Z list of what you need to know about Vanderbilt culture.

A – Anchor Down

“Anchor Down!” A friendly greeting amongst Vanderbilt students, a way to show school spirit, and a symbol paying homage to our Commodore pride. Simply make the letters “V U” with your thumb, index, and middle finger (which also conveniently doubles as the shape of an anchor), and get ready to anchor down!

B – Blair

Blair School of Music is one of Vanderbilt’s four undergraduate schools. From music performance to composition to jazz studies and more, Blair is filled to the brim with talent!

C – Commons

The Commons is Vanderbilt’s “freshman campus,” so to speak. Made up of ten residence halls called houses, Commons is an introductory type of living/learning community that helps first-year students transition to college and life away from home.

D – Diermeier

Dr. Daniel Diermeier actively serves as the ninth chancellor of Vanderbilt University. Born and raised in Germany, Diermeier was a first-generation college graduate. Before starting his position at Vanderbilt in 2020, Diermeier worked in a variety of higher education institutions, including Stanford University, Northwestern University, and University of Chicago.

E – E-Scooters

The infamous E-Scooters… if you haven’t had to dodge being run over by one, can you even call yourself a true Vanderbilt student? We all might be subconsciously jealous of the convenience of zipping across campus effortlessly rather than walking, but that doesn’t stop us from uniting in the universal disdain for e-scooter riders.

F – Free Laundry

Thanks to a VSG (Vanderbilt Student Government) initiative in 2020, we now enjoy the luxury of free laundry in residence halls across campus! No more collecting countless rolls of quarters to ensure you’ll have clean clothes to wear.

G – Greek Life

About 43% of Vanderbilt’s undergraduate student body belongs to Greek organizations, including sororities and fraternities. Rush, Greek Row, parties, and tailgates are all staples of Greek Life, and you’re sure to find evidence of these aspects on Vanderbilt’s campus.

H – Hawkins Field

Home to the VandyBoys baseball team, Hawkins Field holds up to 3,700 spectators. As a Division I team in the SEC, the VandyBoys are an extremely competitive team. Just a few of their many successes include five College World Series appearances and two National Championships.

I – Immersion Vanderbilt

Immersion Vanderbilt is a graduation requirement that encourages experiential learning, curiosity, and exploration. The four pillars of Immersion are experience, reflect, ideate, and create. Each student must choose to fulfill their Immersion requirement through one of the following: civic/professional development, creative expression, international experience, or research.

J – James Patterson

Did you know that James Patterson received his master’s degree in English from Vanderbilt? Patterson is a popular author especially known for his novels in the suspense-thriller/mystery genre. James Patterson has sold over 230 million books worldwide, and he has earned his spot as one of the wealthiest authors of all time.

K – Kissam

Kissam Center, conveniently located adjacent to Warren & Moore College Halls, has everything a college student could possibly need: a Munchie Mart, a dining hall, seating areas, seminar rooms, event spaces, and more! Kissam Kitchen is a campus-wide favorite for their açai bowls and made-to-order Kissam bowls.

L – Libraries

The Jean and Alexander Heard Libraries offer nine locations across campus including Central Library, Eskind Biomedical Library, Peabody Library, Stevenson Library for Science and Engineering, and more. Central Library even has a Suzie’s Cafe, making it one of the favorite locales on campus. If you’re ever looking for a quiet place where you’ll undoubtedly be productive, the libraries are perfect for you!

M – Mr. C

Mr. C (short for Mr. Commodore) is our beloved mascot here at Vanderbilt. Ranked among the Top 3 “Sexiest College Mascots in America” according to a survey conducted by QualityLogoProducts, Mr. C is most certainly a fan favorite!

N – NashVegas

As we all know, Vanderbilt is located in the dynamic city of Nashville, Tennessee. Nashville, more lovingly called “NashVegas” by our students, offers endless opportunities for restaurants, shopping, live music, fun, and so much more. Especially on the weekends, NashVegas is a non-stop party!

O – OHARE (Office of Housing and Residential Experience)

With the residential experience as an integral part of life at Vanderbilt, OHARE works to ensure that our living communities are inclusive, comfortable, safe, and enjoyable. Whether you’re living on the Commons, in a Residential College, or part of a Living Learning Community (LLC), OHARE is behind the scenes to create a smooth housing process.

P – Peabody

Peabody College is Vanderbilt’s School of Education, which is actually ranked #1 in the country! The Peabody campus is located right next to Commons, so the Peabody Esplanade is a great spot to set out a picnic blanket and enjoy the sun with friends. One of the most famous buildings on campus, Wyatt Center (the building with the dome) is a beautiful, picture-perfect addition to campus.

Q – Quarter-Zip

The quarter-zip is one of the most popular articles of clothing sported on Vanderbilt’s campus. With a preppy vibe and an athletic twist, quarter-zips are comfortable while still maintaining the air of “Southern Charm.” Every Vanderbilt student owns at least one quarter-zip with the school logo… sorry, I don’t make the rules.

R – Rand

Rand is a dining hall attached to Sarratt Student Center, right at the heart of Main Campus. Although Rand is only open for breakfast and lunch on weekdays, there are many food options to choose from. Chicken Shack, Fresh Mex, Randwiches, Mongolian Grill, 2301… the choice lies in your hands now.

S – Stevenson Center

Stevenson Center (which houses STEM classrooms, offices, research labs, and a library) is widely regarded as the most confusing building on Vanderbilt’s campus. I don’t know who decided how to number the different buildings within the center, but inexperienced souls who wander into this labyrinth get easily lost and might never emerge.

T – Todd Chemistry

from @vandfirmations on Instagram, 2021

I personally think Dr. Todd is a gem, but her class is no joke. Gen Chem is notoriously hard at Vanderbilt, and students all across campus dread the prospect of tackling this course.

U – UCC (University Counseling Center)

As the main center for mental health care on campus, the UCC offers both drop-in hours and scheduled appointments. If you’ve never worked with the UCC before, it’s important to first schedule an appointment with the OSCC (Office of Student Care Coordination).

V – VUceptor

The VUcept program is a mentorship organization that matches each incoming first-year student to a faculty VUceptor, a student VUceptor, and a Visions group. This program serves to introduce new Commodores to the Vanderbilt community and help them through the transition from life at home to college.

W – Wond’ry

The Wond’ry is Vanderbilt’s Center for Innovation, located in the ESB (Engineering and Sciences Building). The Wond’ry offers a variety of different makerspaces with resources such as 3D-printing, virtual reality labs, workshops, and more that allow creativity to come to life. If you have an idea, the Wond’ry will help you make it a tangible reality.

X – Xfinity On Campus

Xfinity On Campus is available through OHARE, allowing students to stream live TV, watch on demand, and even access HBO Max. Just log into Xfinity using their “On Campus Students” sign-in portal, and you’re good to go!

Y – YikYak

YikYak is an extremely popular mobile app that allows people to make posts that are seen within the local area (usually within a radius of five miles). YikYak is even more prevalent on college campuses, as students can anonymously discuss the news, gossip, and other happenings around campus. Vandy YikYak is no exception, and our ‘Dores always have some type of buzz going on.

Z – Zeppos Tower

Named after former chancellor Nicholas S. Zeppos, Zeppos Tower is a famous landmark part of the Zeppos Residential College. The tower is easy to spot all across West End, almost serving as a lighthouse that guides our students back home. Although undergraduate students don’t have access to Zeppos Tower, seeing the view from the top is on every Vandy student’s bucket list.

Filed Under: Features

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