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Work experiences for a lot of introverts who to work with other people usually consists of questions like: 

“You don’t talk?” 

“Is something wrong?” 

“Are you mute? Ha ha.”  

I get it. Silence makes some people uncomfortable! It makes people think that you don’t like them (not true) or that you don’t want to talk to them (a little true). Small talk, although the process of that is comparable to a slow and calculated torture, is necessary. So, how does someone who prefers comfortable silence and keeping to themselves navigate the workspace without driving themselves crazy? 

Personally, I’m still figuring it out. But I have three quick tips that I give a try every now and then when I’m trying to cultivate workplace relationships that can be important.  

1. Have Pre-Planned Questions  

I know how that sounds, but when you need to have conversations with people you don’t know or are not particularly comfortable around yet, pre-planned questions have worked for me. It sounds unnatural, but something like “What’s your favorite movie?” or a question about current events can create authentic conversation that you can work with.  

2. Join a Group  

A lot of times at work, there will be already formed groups of people who know each other. Introducing yourself to a group of people rather than a single person can reduce the pressure to initiate conversations. And, you get to meet a lot of people at once instead of doing the introduction process a dozen times. 

3. Pray for an Out-Going Coworker 

Not even joking when I say this. The amount of times I’ve been approached by someone who was super outgoing saved me so much pressure. They’re able to maintain conversation and all you have to do is keep up. 

I think a lot of people underestimate what it takes for introverts to put themselves out there. In a lot of cases, it can require you to act like someone you’re not in order to maintain constant conversation and an open, energetic personality. But in the end, workplace relationships are necessary to have so it’s important to try. And you never know who you might meet once you step out of your comfort zone.

Photos courtesy of Giphy and MTV.

         

I cannot count the amount of times growing up, I was asked why I was alone. I was social and hung out with people, but I also had a tendency to sit and do stuff by myself for hours, like reading or writing. And at the time, I thought it was because I was shy and didn’t know how to talk to people but looking back at it now, maybe it had more to do with the fact that I didn’t want to talk to people. I actually liked being alone. (Now I know how that sounds. People who like to be by themselves are considered to be loners, a title that sometimes even extends itself to weirdo. But I think loners get a bad rep.)

Besides needing the alone time to recharge, introverts just like spending alone time with themselves. It isn’t the same as being lonely. While there are people I would like to hang out with, I also like working with myself. Being alone allows you to connect with yourself on a level that you may not be able to on a day to day basis when you’re around everyone else. When I’m by myself, I can sort out my thoughts, work through any problems that are bothering me, or even just meditate. I don’t think enough people are okay with being alone with themselves and their thoughts, which is why you see so many attempts of people trying to distract themselves from…well themselves.

Next time you’re by yourself and are about to text someone to hang out, figure out whether it is because you’re alone or lonely. And if you’re just alone for once, take a few moments to enjoy it.

To some, the feeling is familiar. You’re at a thing, it can be a party, a classroom, or even just with a group of friends. Somehow, it seems like everyone is loud and excited, vying to be in the middle of whatever it is that’s happening but for you, you’re content just hanging outside of it all.  

One trait a lot of introverts share is being an observer. Rather than being in the middle of a group, you may find them on the outside, watching life go on instead of being the center of attention. Personally, I don’t think being a wallflower gets enough credit. A lot of attention goes to the person who’s at the center of it all (cough extroverts) and a lot of times they’re who ends up being remembered. And it’s understandable y’know. Why would anyone notice the person on the edge of everything? 

I used to think How do people have the energy to be “on” like that all the time? How do people not get tired?  Remaining and maintaining the attention of people always took more energy than it was worth for me. So instead, I’ve figured out how to lean into being on the outside of things. Being there, you’re able to see, hear, and pick up on things that those in the center can’t and honestly that can be more fun. And you don’t get drained in the process.

So next time you’re out, and a part of you feel like you should be talking just as loud or expending just as much energy as the people going crazy in the middle, maybe listen to the other part of you that just wants to relax and watch everything that goes down instead knowing that there are perks to being a wallflower.  

Supriya Vani had a calm demeanor as she sat at the head of the table and smiled at us. We smiled back nervously as she had not spoken much when she entered the Dean of the Commons’ Residence, only offering words of gratitude for her nomination as the speaker for the annual Crawford House Speaker Lecture. Then, after the dean asked her a question, she lit up and began to speak as though she had a wonderful secret she had to share.

On Wednesday, October 30th I had the opportunity, along with a few of my fellow freshmen and other Vanderbilt faculty members, to have dinner with Ms. Vani.

She is an inspiring woman who has traveled the world interviewing Nobel Laureates, with a special interest in speaking with the women winners. She has focused her time on learning about the barriers these women have broken in order to effect meaningful change in this unjust world. She has documented these amazing conversations in her acclaimed book: “Battling Injustice: 16 Women Nobel Peace Laureates.”

Vani’s allure extends beyond her work. Her enchanting character is touching as well. That night, as she spoke, her strength, passion and authenticity left us all in awe.

She displayed her strength as she spoke about the troubles she faced when trying to speak with the female Nobel Laureates — often sneaking in and out of countries, hiding from security, and traveling with little money. Additionally, Vani described the toll and difficulty of listening to the stories of these women who had witnessed or experienced rape, abuse, seclusion, torture, and death of loved ones.

Her passion shined when she told us that it was never her intention to write a book for the money or fame: she simply began her work out of curiosity to learn more.

Lastly, her genuine care for equality and peace were evident through her actions. She spoke about how she and her family rejected her high caste (1) last name in order to promote equality — she truly lives by the words she preaches.

Vani’s passion touched all the individuals who dined with her that evening. Her main takeaways: “girls can do anything” and “everyone should be treated fairly” are not new, but she definitely offered very compelling stories on their importance. I, along with the rest of the attendees I’m sure, are excited to read her book.

1: The caste system in India defines how individuals are treated in society. One is born into a caste, which can not be changed. Being part of “high caste” means individuals receive extra privileges and are treated especially well.