As I’m growing older and moving farther away from my past self, I feel like I need some closure with the girl that got me from age fourteen to eighteen. She did me well, and she’ll always be a friend of mine. But for moving forward, we won’t be together. It’s for the best.
Dear high school self,
You did well, I’ll start with that. On the surface, you were fully in control. You seemed to have the perfect life: you loved school, succeeded at anything you put your mind to, and were always talking to someone new. Looking back with rose-tinted glasses, sometimes I get jealous of you. But deep down, I know nothing was ever enough for you. Sometimes I wonder if I’m enough to you. Behind each smile, you were thinking of ways of how to improve and trying to hide everything you hated about yourself.
I want you to know that you’re beautiful. Part of the reason why we’re breaking up is because of that. I’m tired of looking at photos of you and comparing you to myself. I’m tired of competing with you. As I’ve gotten older, I have grown away from you. I hate constantly being reminded of that. It shouldn’t be an insult to not look like you. I’m different from you now.
I’m not walking away from you because you did anything wrong. I’m leaving you because the longer I stay with you, the more I won’t be able to accept my new self. All I’ll be able to do is be insecure about how different we look from each other.
Even though I’m leaving you, I want to say thank you. I wouldn’t be at my dream school if it wasn’t for you. You worked hard for me. That being said, we’ve outgrown each other.
Even though I’m leaving you, I don’t want to be sad. I’m welcoming in someone new into my life. She’s got some similarities with you, but don’t be fooled… she’s a completely new woman.
She’s been camera shy lately, because she’s scared she won’t be as pretty as you. She was afraid she wouldn’t have as many friends as you. She was hoping she could be close to as happy as you were.
But she doesn’t deserve to be in hiding anymore. Though it took some time, she is happier than you were. She’s met new people and learned so many amazing things. I know you would be proud of her.
I would like to formally introduce you to my college self. She’s more confident in herself, has so many new stories, and when she speaks up, she demands to be heard.
Like I said, she’s a whole new woman. So I’ll have to say goodbye to you in order to fully welcome her (I hope you can understand). For now, you’ll still be a friend. And I can assure you, it’s not me it’s you.
Thanks for everything,
Abbey
