My Commons Life

News & features about the Vanderbilt Commons from the students who live here

Archives for February 2021

My Commons Watch: The Snyder Cut

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Three years after the disappointing Justice League, a new trailer was released on Valentine’s day titled “Zack Snyder’s Justice League”. If you don’t know already, here’s a quick recap: 

Warner Brother hired Zack Snyder to direct their avengers style superhero crossover film, Justice League in 2014. Production of the film was marked by disputes between Warner Brothers and Snyder in terms of the film’s creative direction. In the midst of what was already a strained relationship between Snyder and the studio, a sudden family tragedy caused Snyder to step away from the project and hire Joss Whedon, who notably directed The Avengers, to take over. Whedon then rewrote and reshot approximately three-quarters of Snyder’s cut and released a Frankensteined Justice League to theaters in 2017. Snyder claims to have never seen this version, which, for his sake, was a great decision. While Snyder processed his personal tragedy with his family, DC fans adamantly demanded a release of the Snyder cut. Snyder encouraged this protest, and was backed up by the cast, who would mention that working under Whedon’s direction wasn’t too great. Warner Brothers finally gave in to the internet’s harassment, and here we are. 

On an unrelated note, I just think it’s funny that promotional material for DC films now seems to focus more on the directors than the actual content of the film. For example, the first teaser “trailer” for Suicide Squad 2 isn’t a preview of the film, but is instead a behind the scenes cut letting people know that James Gunn (director of Guardians of the Galaxy, and Guardians of the Galaxy Vol.2) is directing it. This is just a theory, but I like to think that Warner Brothers knows they’ve failed their audience with their existing films, and now need to tell them, “You know this director? The one who made that other film you like? He’s directing our next movie so it won’t be as bad this time”.  

Until the film is released on HBO Max and people can see it for themselves, it wouldn’t be fair to judge it. But I’m still skeptical about it for three reasons. 

First off, Zack Snyder’s disputes with Warner Brothers stemmed from his desire to show a twisted take on the DC universe. Warner Brothers was looking for a family-friendly franchise that could follow in the footsteps of the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Snyder wants to realize a dark, edgy perspective he has on superheroes. Audiences can watch this dispute unfold on screen. When Batman is killing people in cold blood, it’s Zack Snyder. When he dispenses a corny line that falls flat, it’s Warner Brothers. If Snyder has been granted as much creative control as sources report, then perhaps there will at least be some tonal consistency. But even so, Snyder’s dark take is unfaithful to the original comic book material. For the rest of us who haven’t read the comics, it’s just difficult to watch characters in tights try to convey mature, R-rated concepts.

Secondly, I just don’t think Zack Snyder is a good director. People often refer to 300 as proof that Snyder can make a good movie. 300 is a technically and stylistically sensational film. But if you look past the gore and slow motion, the story just doesn’t hold up in my opinion. I think it’s popularity stemmed from its shock value, and it just left a good impression in people’s minds. It’s pretty obvious that Snyder employed the same techniques in his subsequent films. Man of Steel and Batman v. Superman have that kind of Snyder action, as well as the weak stories to go along with it. And at face value, it makes no sense why Warner Brothers would want to keep hiring Snyder when all his DC films have ranged from mediocre to terrible. The only reason I can think of is that despite their poor quality, the nostalgia and overseas market is enough to make these films profitable for the studio. On paper, Snyder’s movies have consistent earnings. Once you pay for the movie, no matter how bad it is, you’ve already given Warner Brothers one more reason to hire Zack Snyder again. 

Finally, there’s the matter of the superhero formula. DC movies seem to like making trailers that basically reveal the entire plot of the movie. The “Zack Snyder’s Justice League” video seems like it fits in that category. I could of course be wrong, but from what I can glean from the trailer, powerful villains are looking for magical objects that will let them conquer the universe, so the heroes have to band together and defeat the villains in a climactic battle towards the end of the movie. You might be thinking, “Well aren’t all superhero movies like that?”. And yes, that’s true. It’s a formula that Marvel took years to break away from. But unfortunately for DC, Marvel came first. So unless this film manages to introduce creative nuances or novel concepts, it will be a movie we’ve all seen before. And based on Snyder’s track record, it seems like this is very likely. 

The Newest “Biscuit Love(r)”

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My Egg Plate and Emilio’s East Nasty *peep the hot sauce; always a must!*

I have found the most amazing breakfast place. Well, I didn’t find it, and loads of people already know about it, but it has become my newest obsession. It also has transformed me from a “Breakfast Hater” to a “Breakfast Lover.” Biscuit Love in Hillsboro Village on Belcourt Avenue is my new favorite food spot. It serves mouth-watering breakfast foods with a southern twist. Of course, they are known for their biscuits, since it’s literally right in their name, but they also serve some amazing fried chicken to tie the meal together. But, I haven’t even gotten to the best part! Biscuit Love is on the Commodore Card! Hoorah for our college-student wallets!

I must say my journey to become a Biscuit Love fanatic was not smooth. I have never really been a fan of breakfast food. I would eat the occasional pancake or waffle, but I never really had a huge affinity to the stereotypical foods eaten in the morning. The first time I went to Biscuit Love was actually with my Dad when I first moved into college in the fall of 2020. We went on a Sunday morning before he left to return to my home in Maryland, so I may be biased when it comes to this place because it was the beginning of my Vanderbilt experience. Yet, the food alone supports why this place is a must for any freshman looking for a cozy and chill breakfast spot.

My Dad ordered the S.E.C., which is a warm buttery biscuit topped with sausage, a scrambled egg, and a gooey slice of cheddar cheese. I was overwhelmed at first by the options and slightly scared because I wasn’t a huge breakfast food fan. Eggs are an enigma to me: sometimes they taste good, other times they taste like eggs. I also hadn’t eaten the traditional southern meal of biscuits and fried chicken. So, I went the safe route and got the Egg Plate, which had scrambled eggs, a biscuit and jam, cheese grits, and bacon. We were seated in the back, which is a really cool quasi-patio. The windows have a slight reflection, so the place looks bigger than it actually is. The food came out quickly and the service was amazing.

We dug in, and the food was divine. The biscuit melted in my mouth, the eggs had a savory buttery flavor that did not disappoint, and the bacon was sooooooo crispy. I don’t think my dad and I talked for the first 10 minutes as we devoured our first Biscuit Love meal. I was surprised at how much I had enjoyed my first southern breakfast. I had been to iHop and some small-town breakfast spots, but none of them quite hit the mark. I began to have a new appreciation for breakfast food, and subsequently, I ventured into uncharted territory within this food realm. I tried dishes called East Nasty, the Bonuts, and the Southern Benny. Side note, aren’t the food names so stinkin’ cute???

Ever since my first Biscuit Love experience with my Dad, I have brought everyone I care about to this cute spot. I brought my friend Emilio to celebrate his arrival to America to study at Vanderbilt, since he was remote in the fall in Portugal. I went with some of my girlfriends to celebrate Valentine’s day. I also frequently go on easy Saturday mornings with my friends to just chill out and catch up. It’s a special place with an unmatched energy. The staff is lovely and they really care about their community. I have seen them helping people without homes with their warm meals and warm hearts. I know that it is late in our freshman year, so you may have already heard about this place. But, I urge you to go to Biscuit Love, try the East Nasty with scrambled egg, and make a new friend over some amazing breakfast food.

MCL’s Top 5 Vanderbilt Conspiracy Theories

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Of all the Vanderbilt student media groups, only MyCommonsLife’s intrepid reporters dare delve into the true depths of Vanderbilt’s seedy underbelly. Without further ado, here are the top five ways in which mysterious forces are manipulating our campus society toward agendas malevolent and unknown.

1. The Vanderbilt squirrels are trained to eavesdrop on student conversations.

We all know birds aren’t real, but you might be surprised to learn they aren’t the only ubiquitous small animals that can be trained/programmed to spy for the state and other authorities. The Vanderbilt squirrels report directly to Chancellor Diermeier about student dissent, allowing him and the rest of the administration to take immediate and extreme disciplinary action. While past headmasters had to utilize an extensive system of signals and tiny whiteboards to understand the squirrels’ defamatory reports and security recommendations, Diermeier’s training in the dark arts allows him to understand their chittering like a Disney princess, which has significantly streamlined the process.

The more experienced squirrels tend to conduct their surveillance from inside trash cans, because not only is it unobtrusive, but that’s where they’re most likely to overhear students who’ve just finished their meals and are throwing away the cartons complaining about the dining halls. This is why you never hear anyone complain about the food at Vandy–it’s a capital offense, and anyone who makes a disparaging remark about the chicken in particular has been immediately disappeared.

2. Vanderbilt doesn’t offer a business major because it would make the student body too powerful to control.

Business majors are just too great. We already have our hands full with the magnificence of the econ and HOD majors, who, in a very “Harrison Bergeron”-like fashion, outshine the rest of the student body as the life-giving sun outshines the remote and ethereal stars; were Vanderbilt to allow the business-minded among us to achieve their full potential, our society would crumble under the force of their will. A private university is, after all, a type of business. This is also why the temperature in Branscomb is kept as low as possible at all times and the Munchie meal plan options have been drastically limited: The administration is keeping the econ majors weak and malnourished so that they lack the strength to realize their true, innate glory. (No, I don’t see what my business minor has to do with this theory. Journalism ethics are an invention of the lizard shadow government; I owe you nothing.)

3. The Covid-19 Testing Center is gathering DNA for mass cloning operations.

Think about it. Why is Vandy using the saliva test when everyone else seems to prefer the nasal swab? Because the saliva test is easier to perform and more stable in transport than the nasal swab? Don’t make us laugh. The saliva test collects way more DNA than the nasal swab, leaving plenty left over after cloning experiments gone wrong. The STEM departments run the actual cloning process, and they do in fact offer staff positions to students in the biomedical engineering program, so if that’s you and you’re looking for a good summer internship be sure to apply by walking three times around the FEL Center, whispering the password “Mr. C is my ideal life partner” into the nearest shrub, and finally folding your personal statement into a paper airplane and tossing it into traffic on the 440 south.

Our sources inform us the main goal of the operation is to create a clone army to sell to foreign militaries, though the STEM professors seem to be having some trouble marketing an army of scrawny, sleep-deprived college students to the North Korean security forces. All of these sources, of course, either received an email shortly afterward from the Office of Student Accountability and subsequently refused to speak with us beyond unintelligible deranged muttering, or in one case reported to Covid quarantine housing and were never seen again, so it’s difficult to corroborate their claims.

Alternatively, the Covid-19 Testing Center could just be dumping all our samples into the swimming pool-sized Saliva Vat located in the classified section of the tunnels under Branscomb, which is why there’s that weird smell in your dorm sometimes. The purpose of such an activity is unknown.

4. Students who get lost in Stevenson are fed to the demigod Groth’nag’leth.

What lies beneath Stevenson is beyond the descriptive Power of human language, for the Thing beneath Stevenson is a power unto Themself. What lies beneath Stevenson, specifically beneath the Suzies pickup area, is beyond mortal Terror, a surfeit of awe, a surfeit of Being that manifests as Hunger, a surfeit of Hunger that evades satisfaction, for if It were satisfied It would not be Groth’nag’leth. O, Dread Emanation of the engineering department, scourge of the Pre-meds with Your terrible gentleness, patience beyond measure, awful Mirror of the human condition, swoll’n with the despair of a thousand freshman chemistry students, accept these Offerings, led straying into Your merciful Grasp in the interminable tunnels of Medical Research Building III. Be nourished by the Center for Physics and Astronomy’s ample and beauteous bounty; in their last moments you will be as their Sun, and they will appreciate Your Awe. Consume now these Gifts, cunningly redirected to Medical Center North rather than Medical Center North II, doomed never to see the Joe and Howard Werthan Building except in the ecstatic and corrosive Omniscience that pools between Your ever-widening jaws.

Great Groth’nag’leth, Heir to the Unknowable, we offer Thee these youths, and in return all we ask is that You in your infinite Patience delay Your maddening Ascension until our fragile mortal bodies have naturally expired, and our spirits have left behind this plane that Thou art destined to Envelop. Give us leave never to look upon Thy dread Face, and we will show Thee all the reverence owed to Groth’nag’leth Steven’s Son, Fear-Brother, Labyrinthine, the One Which Contains Multitudes.

5. The Randwich is actually the exact same thing as the Commons Magnolia sandwich.

Okay, this one is a little far-fetched, even for us. But we feel obligated to at least inform you of this unlikely theory, which was posited to us in a whisper by an unknown source hiding behind a fake plant in the Office of Student Accountability. This source insisted that, if you compare the Randwich and Magnolia menus on the GET app, you will find them identical, or at least close enough that the difference becomes insignificant. Nor, they claimed, was the method used to prepare this sandwich in Rand in any way superior, or even distinct. Unfortunately, before this source could further substantiate their outlandish claim, our cameraman here at MCL was seized with an irrational rage and began screaming at them to stop saying these awful things, which unfortunately attracted the attention of the Office of Student Accountability. None of us remember what happened next, or in fact the name of our cameraman, whose existence we are only aware of now because he appears briefly in our archives speaking from out of frame. I, personally, first regained consciousness three days later, wandering around the Recreation Center gym covered in strange markings. My colleagues report similar experiences. Such are the hazards of journalism. But anyway, even we have to admit that this claim is preposterous, as the Randwich is clearly and undoubtedly superior to all other sandwiches served on Vanderbilt campus, in absolutely every way.

CommonsCast Episode 67-February 24, 2021

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Dean Gresalfi talks about anxiety, sharing resources for help and overcoming the feelings that can get in your way. Anna delivers the Commons Calendar of events this week, and she has a great interview with first-year student Robert Yang.

CommonsCast Episode 66-February 17, 2021

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On this episode Dean of the Commons Melissa Gresalfi shares her thoughts on the power of “just saying hello”. Anna has details on upcoming events in the Commons Calendar, and she conducts a great interview with Vandy senior and SPEAR President Sydney Juda.

The Ride of COVID Shame

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green golf cart
A Golf Cart

We’ve all heard about the “Walk of Shame.” This euphemism aptly describes the journey back to one’s abode from a long night out. The suspected culprit is usually in last night’s outfit, chaotic hair, and eye bags deeper than the Grand Canyon. They can be spotted from miles away, but nods are usually exchanged between fellow students in unity as one makes their plight home to their dorm. Yet, our generation faces a new kind of shame: the golf-cart ride from hell.

When an undergraduate student is contact-traced for COVID-19, positive for COVID-19, or shows symptoms of COVID-19, they must be moved to isolation housing. Vanderbilt uses its army of golf-carts to transport students from their dorms to the prison of isolation. The said student must pack their bags and await their chariot for all passersby to see. The tell-tale signs usually include a backpack busting at the seams, a pillow tucked firmly under the armpit, and a misshapen duffel bag full of quickly packed clothes.

Full disclosure, I have been one of those poor souls who must bear the modern-day Scarlet Letter, or what I call the “Red C.” I was sent to isolation housing at Blakemore for my sore throat, which turns out was my allergies and not the dreaded COVID-19. Nonetheless, I was deemed a potential biohazard and had to be shipped off to eerily quiet Blakemore residential hall.

I remember the looks and stares as I stepped into the elevator with my Vera Bradly duffel bag and backpack. I could feel people holding their breath and inching away from me in the elevator. I wanted to scream, “It’s my allergies! I promise!” But, I know I would have done the same thing. I passed through the lobby of Brandscomb Quad and luckily didn’t run into anyone I knew. I saw my chariot await me with its transparent plastic covers, maybe to protect from the rain or contain the COVID-19 within its rickety metal walls.

The community service officer driving the golf-cart asked, “Zoe?”, and I was thrown into a third-dimension in my mind where this was the COVID-19 equivalent of “Uber for Zoe?” I nervously answered, “Yes,” and hopped into the back. The golf-cart is actually quite “boujee” in my opinion. The seats were comfy and padded with memory foam, so my butt enjoyed the short five-minute ride. What I didn’t enjoy where the stares of the cars that trailed behind us. I was sitting in the very back (in order to be the farthest from the driver), and I was facing towards the street. So, when we stopped, I had to stare into the souls of the drivers behind us.

I could feel their thoughts permeating the plastic barrier around the golf-cart. “Oh, look, another Vandy girl catches Ms. Rona. I bet she was out partying at Lonnie’s” or “I hope she doesn’t contaminate my Toyota Prius with her COVID-19.” Thankfully, we arrived and I stumbled into Blakemore to begin my short 24-hour isolation period as I awaited my test result.

I had to make the same embarrassing ride back to Branscomb once I was released from isolation. It was only a 10-minute “Ride of COVID Shame” in total, but I think this was a good experience for me and all Vandy students. This experience unifies us all in the embarrassing feeling of being contagious, because no one wants to have to send the text, “Hey, I think I’m positive.” For our generation, it’s the embarrassment of being positive for COVID, not even sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). Most of us can’t do the real “Walk of Shame” right now, but this is pretty darn close. So, don’t forget to salute your fellow comrades as they make the daunting journey in their gold-and-black chariot.

MCL’s Top 5 Actually Accurate Urban Legends

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If you’ve ever wondered about the crazy facts, creepy stories, and…other aspects of Vanderbilt and its history that Admissions won’t touch with a ten-foot pole, you’ll love this great list of weird stuff I found on the internet! From the Scooby-Doo equivalent of insurance fraud to secret government science projects to, uh, some technicalities about trees, here are MCL’s top five urban legends that are actually, probably, true.

1. Cornelius Vanderbilt may have been the victim of a paranormal inheritance scheme.

His hairline was scared away by the ghosts.

The Commodore’s involvement with spiritualism was long, eventful, and occasionally scandalous. I cannot recommend strongly enough this fascinating article that deals with it more extensively. After the Commodore’s death, he left around 95% of his considerable estate to his son William, leaving comparatively little to his one other surviving son and nine daughters, according to Wikipedia (but it’s totally reputable, I swear). Three of the children sued, stating that their elderly father was not in his right mind and unduly influenced by William when he drew up the will and therefore it was not valid.

The juiciest of these allegations was that William paid a spiritualist employed by Cornelius, a Mr. Stoddard, to claim that William was the only trustworthy child who should inherit, and that the rest hated him and eagerly awaited his demise. Stoddard reportedly followed orders, going into a “trance” and pretending to channel the spirit of William’s dead mother Sophia, Cornelius’ first wife.

Although the disputing children lost the case after a two-year trial (Cornelius had always been noted for his incredibly strong, stubborn will and William had served as operations manager of his business empire in his final years), their brother did afterward grant his siblings a greater share of his inheritance, probably to avoid further scandal but hopefully also out of some positive fraternal feeling. As for the truth of the matter with the lying psychic, now only the ghosts know for sure.

2. There’s a (possibly) haunted cemetery on Vanderbilt campus.

He’s procrastinating on his boo-ology homework.

On the topic of the undead, you may have noticed that there are a few statues, plaques, and other features resembling actual gravesites on campus. The fabulously named Bishop Holland Nimmons McTyeire, who has been called the driving force behind the founding of Vanderbilt University, is interred in a cemetery behind the Divinity School along with his wife, Amelia Townsend; Landon Garland, Vandy’s first chancellor; and several prominent bishops from the area whose graves Bishop McTyeire actually had moved to campus soon after its founding. (Gross.)

Chancellor Kirkland’s 1893 inaugural address noted of McTyeire, “[U]nder the shade of magnolias that his own hand planted, he sleepeth well.” McTyeire’s headstone–though luckily not his remains, and hopefully not his ghostly emanation–wandered Vanderbilt campus quite a bit after his burial, finally ending up in the Office of the University Chaplain and Religious Life in 2014. And yes, there are nonspecific rumors of his cemetery being haunted.

Unfortunately for anyone of the gothic persuasion among MCL’s readership, there’s no official map of the gravesites, headstones, and other memorials on Vanderbilt campus, but if there is a zombie apocalypse we have to assume the campus epicenter would be the Divinity School cemetery, meaning the undead would probably reach freshman housing in the order of Towers, Branscomb, and finally Commons, and optimistically they might be prevented from reaching Commons by traffic on 21st Avenue. Just another perk to living in Towers!

3. The Free Electron Laser was originally built to defend against missile attacks.

Surface-to-surface missiles: very pretty! Very unpleasant to be around.

The Vanderbilt University Free Electron Laser was originally developed by the Department of Defense as part of a missile defense program. However, its medical capabilities were soon prioritized, and in 2000 it was one of only five FEL centers in the country and the only one equipped to perform, and successful in performing, surgical operations. That year, in the first ever clinical use of such an instrument, a surgical team led by Dr. Michael Copeland used the FEL to remove a three centimeter-wide section of a golf ball-sized tumor on the surface of a woman’s brain.

The patient, 78-year-old Virginia Whitaker from Kansas City, wasn’t frightened by the fact that she was the first person ever to undergo such a procedure; in fact, she said of the surgery, “I think it’s a wonderful opportunity to help other people in my situation as well as to help the doctors learn more. That’s why I did it….For me, this had to be done no matter what, so it’s good that maybe it can help other people too.”

4. There’s a colony of monkeys in Wilson Hall.

Not a Wilson macaque, but it is a macaque.

Macaques, specifically. The monkeys are housed in an AAALAC-accredited animal care facility and used in psychology research. Since this Top 5 is very much not a robust or possibly even accurate academic source, you can learn much more about the Schall Lab’s monkey business at http://www.psy.vanderbilt.edu/faculty/schall/projects/. There appear to be three major projects running, along with some collaborative projects on the side; the major projects involve the neurological activity underlying target selection (for example, finding a T among Ls or an L among Ts), neural control and monitoring of saccadic eye movements, and Stochastic models of cognition and neurons.

5. The Vanderbilt campus is (kind of!) an arboretum.

A closeup of the Bicentennial Oak.

It’s complicated. Vandy was first called an arboretum in May 1879 by a publication called “Vanderbilt University Contributions 1878-79” found in the Vanderbilt University Special Collections and University Archives, which was, documentation-wise, the sole basis of its claims to arboretum-ness for most of its history. To be fair, there isn’t really one official definition of an arboretum out there; several organizations that accredit them have been founded more recently, and they tend to have different criteria.

The Vanderbilt arboretum really is impressive. It hosted 6,181 labeled trees in 2013, the oldest and most iconic being the Bicentennial Oak, which was alive during the Revolutionary War. The arboretum website is pretty cool and includes a list of “Ghost Trees of Vanderbilt Past,” which is wonderfully dramatic. (The URL is also excellent.)

In 1988 Vandy was registered as an arboretum with the American Public Gardens Association, and in October 2020 it received Level II out of IV accreditation from ArbNet, an international arboretum certification organization. Initially I thought that Level I was the pinnacle of academic arboriculture and therefore we aren’t far off, but in reality, the highest level of achievement is Level IV. (Harvard has it. Grr.) Achieving Level II does of course have some impressive and stringent criteria, but as I am not an arboriculturalist I was distracted laughing at the requirement that there be “one or more arboretum employees.”

Nowhere on the ArbNet website could I find the term “national arboretum,” and ArbNet is, in fact, an international organization. Furthermore, my research suggests that while there exists the US National Arboretum in DC, being a national arboretum…isn’t a real thing. Lacking the patience for such fine distinctions, the Vanderbilt official website does in fact state that we are a national arboretum; finding this hilariously bold and completely unqualified claim was the highlight of my research. (If it’s not there when you read this, it means someone in Admissions read my article and edited it out, in which case on one hand I’m flattered and thank you for reading, but on the other hand you are now my enemy and shall remain so until death.)

If you want more information, you can check out this great Hustler article on the subject! Tree geeks.

Bonus! Two more wild stories…

Cornelius 2: The Sideburns Returns.

6. In other Cornelius news, Cornelius Vanderbilt apparently once said, “If I had learned education I would not have had time to learn anything else.” This makes slightly more sense when you consider the various sources stating that he funded the university at his second wife’s request. Fascinatingly enough, the admissions website also attributes to him the quote, “Though I never had any education, no man has ever felt the lack more than I have, and no man appreciates the value of it more than I do and believes more than I do what it will do in the future.” Is this evidence of character growth?  Character deterioration?  Who knows; I couldn’t find dates for the quotes.

Albert Arnold Gore: Not nearly as good a name as Holland Nimmons McTyeire.

7. Al Gore dropped out of Vanderbilt twice, first failing out of the Divinity School and then leaving Vandy’s law school, and he was particularly badly at college science. Apparently he and Bill Clinton “shared one surprising trait from their school years, a tendency to procrastinate on subjects that did not enthrall them and then cram at the last minute.” Same. Check out this Washington Post article for a more complete account of his trials and travails; I hope it gives the chem students some comfort, or at least dulls the pain. We probably should’ve published this closer to midterms.