Archives for April 2021

Wow, my first-year of college is over. I am sitting here typing this, and I am in a state of disbelief. I feel like time passed like molasses, but also at the speed of a turtle. That’s life I guess. I struggled to come up with a topic to write about for my last MCL article. I don’t think I could have written anything else other than a goodbye letter to freshman year.

Dear Freshman Year,

YOU FRICKING SUCKED! Just kidding, but this fall was definitely the equivalent of eating a dirty sock. I struggled finding friends and finding myself. I felt the pull to be so many things at once that I ended up stuck constantly second-guessing myself. I felt paralyzed by my classes and I felt stagnant in my development as a human. So much had changed globally, but I still felt like a senior in high school, even though I was hundreds of miles away, in a new city, around hundreds of new people, and in new classes.

Things turned around in the Spring semester. I got closer with my friends, and I explored so much more. I learned so many new things about myself, and I learned how to be alone. I learned about my likes and dislikes, I learned how to take care of myself when I am sick, and I became an expert at juggling my time. Life is so friggin’ hard guys. That’s my biggest conclusion from freshman year. It is never going to stop being hard. If it’s not a pandemic, then it’s going to be an illness, or a dead family member, or a rejection from a job. We constantly face battles, but the perspective we have when facing them matters most. I changed my perspective and learned to find the best angle to make myself happy. I reminded myself of what I could be grateful for, like my dad, cats, good books, chai lattes, and good friends. MCL has changed my life, and made me rethink my first-year experience for the better.

I am radically different from who I was a year ago. It’s crazy to think that April 2020 Zoe would not recognize April 2021 Zoe. This was a weird way to start college, but it’s made me a better person in how I view obstacles and what I want to achieve in life. I want to spread happiness, rather than obliterate it. I want to keep exploring, keep growing, and keep finding happiness in the difficult times. I don’t know how to sum up my first-year experience, because I am still grappling and exploring how this time has impacted me. We have all gone through so much in such a short time that I think we will all keep thinking about how we have changed after 2020. I am just so grateful to have been able to leave home and continue on my journey to finding myself. I don’t know where sophomore year will take me, but I am so excited for the ride.

I want to shout out a couple of people that have kept me alive and happy this year. Special thanks to: Emilio, Mia, Mira, Sasha, Norman, Karen, cats in general, Suzie’s chai and cinnamon raisin bagel, my German class, Buttrick spinny chairs, Jim Hayes, Paige Clancy, and everyone who has ever smiled at me. You all have done more for me than you know.

I wish everyone the best of luck this summer and in sophomore year.

Lots of love,

Zoe Y

P.S. Here are some of my fav pics:)

Central Library is a jungle. Not in the stereotypical way of trees and tigers hiding around the corner. The animals are actually the students, and the greenery is the occasional potted plant in a corner. I had my first acquaintance in Central my fall semester, but I only ever gained the courage and proper training to face the challenge again in the Spring. The building looms above you as you make your way to the entrance, almost taunting you to see if you’re up to the challenge. You enter and are immediately suspended into the smells of a library. Old book pages aging, the whoosh of printers hot off the press, and the click of laptop keys create a false sense of comfort. There are varying levels of predators in the library, from the maze-like structure to the super-sonic elevators. On a side note, what is the real speed of those freaking elevators? You’re on floor four and get to floor seven in negative three seconds. But, not even the claustrophobic, super-speed elevators were what deterred me in the fall. It’s the STEM kids that will murder you with their gaze as you pass their library room.

They appear harmless with their stickered water bottles, scattered notebooks, and messy buns, but their weapon is their gaze. There’s no way to reserve library rooms, so you are the mercy of whatever rooms are available when you get to the library. These rooms are prized, because they are quiet, you can spread out, and they have spinny chairs, which is my favorite part. The STEM kids dominate all of these rooms, because they probably get out of bed at 4:00 a.m., tailgate outside before the doors unlock, and rush the jungle seeking their daily shelter. I respect the grind and the fairness of “first come, first serve”, but the looks I receive as I pass by are uncalled for. They stare you down almost daring you to stare back, questioning their authority. They think the glass is one-sided or something, because they will watch your movements as you pass their territory. In the beginning I was scared, looked down, and shuffled quickly away, yet something changed in me.

I don’t know if the preservatives in the constant onslaught of Fresh Mex made me into a fiercer predator, but now I stare the STEM kids right back down. I look into their eyes, past the dry-erase board full of general chemistry or physics equations, and see into their binary souls of numbers. I hold the gaze and almost dare them to fight me with their TI-84 calculator. I pass by, and even though I am able to contend with the predator, I still fail at finding a room. I eventually settle for a chair or a comical office cubicle. Yet, when the tables turn, and I have the study room while people pass by looking in, I relish in my victory yet empathize with their journey.

Central Library is no longer scary with its numerous floors, potentially NASCAR-eligible elevator speeds, and STEM kids. At the end of the day, I empathize with the STEM kids that produce blood, sweat, and tears for their work. Y’all work hard without any breaks. If any of y’all are reading this, take a deep breath and don’t stress because it’ll be better for you in the long run. Or, let me say this in a way you might like. Raised cortisol levels suppress your immune system by activating your sympathetic nervous system, which puts you at a higher risk of sickness, damaging neurons in your hippocampus, and generally makes you unhappy. Enjoy the battles of the jungle, but remember to enjoy the fruits that hang among the trees.

Can y’all believe we only have a month left as freshman? What the heck? Where did the time go?

This week I had a few spare moments during the ~wellness days~ to reminisce and remember my first-year experiences. The weather in Nashville has been spectacular this past week, so most of my thinking has been done in the sun to try to develop some sort of a tan before the summer creeps up on my pale body. As I sat on my complimentary Commons blanket, I looked around and saw all the masked faces at Rand. I saw students smiling. I heard the acapella groups in the tent belting their hearts out. I heard the rumbling of a skateboard flying past. I saw the community that for so many months has been hidden.

This spring semester has been above and beyond my fall semester. The fall was rough for me, y’all. It kicked my butt. Rest in peace to anyone in General Chemistry. Yet, this spring has given me a new kind of hope. I feel like I have connected with so many of my peers, which I didn’t think was possible. My renewed attitude for going to college in a pandemic was thanks to my class, “Buddhist Traditions” with Adeana McNicholl. I took this class fall 2021, but its meaning and context didn’t fully hit me until I returned from break.

I was raised around Christian holidays, but I was never fully religious. I didn’t expect much from taking this class; maybe a deeper knowledge on the history of Buddhism. Somehow this class made me have a Britney Spears-style breakdown, epiphanies, and lots of “Why am I here?” moments. Christianity never prepared me how to deal with pain and suffering. It taught me to trust God and follow His word, whatever that may be. Yet, Buddhism offered the perspective that suffering and pain were a part of life. It offered principles and rituals to conceptualize and contend with that pain. In the middle of an isolating, confusing, and scary pandemic, this is what I needed most. I do not claim to be a Buddhist, but the principles of this “religion” have given me an invaluable perspective as I face these adult challenges that leave me feeling lost.

Every one of us is just a tiny speck on a tiny planet in a big universe. This scared me at first. And that’s ok. It’s freeing when you think about it. You have no pressure to be anything other than what you want to be. Life carries on and will dependably keep going with or without you. Life is so temporary when you think about it that you can’t waste your time sweating the small stuff. Live your life for you. Eat the donut. Ask someone on the date. Go out with friends instead of studying (I know, don’t freak out, the world will not end if you don’t study). I know that we aren’t in the best of circumstances to really live out this life philosophy, since we are literally banned from doing things, like parties or traveling. But, I promise we will do this again. This spring has given me a taste of what it’s like to be a Vandy student, and my time here has given me such much to be grateful for. I can’t wait for my next years here as a student, and I am so grateful for the experiences, people, and perspectives this place has given me.