movies

The holidays are here, and there’s nothing like a classic holiday special to set the mood. Like a lot of people, I still cherish the movies my family would re-watch every year. However, child me and current me still have trash taste in movies. Here are my five favourite (terrible) holiday movies.

3. Jack Frost (1998)

“Snow dad’s better than no dad.”

To start off, this is not to be confused with Jack Frost (1997), the horror movie where a snowman is the killer. This is the one where Michael Keaton turns into a snowman as retribution for being a terrible father. How did this movie get Michael Keaton post-Batman fame? I don’t know, but it makes a little more sense than having both George Clooney and Sam Raimi on before filming started (both left the project, though not before the snowman puppet was molded to resemble Clooney). Production aside, it’s a weird movie.

2. Olive, the Other Reindeer (1999)

Olive: “Martini, are you okay?”

Martini: “Shaken, but not stirred”

While I refuse to call this movie bad, it is fairly obscure. It was one of the 10 or so DVDs I had as a child to get me and my brother through roadtrips, so we’d watch it even when it wasn’t the holiday season. Here, Olive (played by Drew Barrymore) misunderstands Santa (Ed Asner) when he cancels Christmas (due to an injured Reindeer) on the radio. She believes he needs her, “Olive, the other reindeer.” The thing is, Olive is a dog. A special, talking dog, but a dog nevertheless. Along with fraudster penguin Martini (Joe Pantoliano), she journeys to the North Pole to save Christmas while being tailed by a scrooge-like Postman (Dan Castellaneta). Fun fact, this special was produced by Matt Groening (of Simpsons fame).

1. The Legend of Frosty the Snowman (2005)

“WALTER! This is corn! Corn is a starch.”

You may be thinking, “Frosty? That’s a classic! It’s not obscure or bad!” And I say, you’re right. “Frosty the Snowman” (1969) is a beloved classic. But I’m not talking about the ’69 Frosty, the ’76, or even the ’92 Frosty. I’m talking about the 2005 masterpiece “The Legend of Frosty the Snowman.” I love this movie, and my and my brother can quote the entire corn scene from heart. Essentially, Tinkerton is an authoritarian, hyper-capitalist, ’50s-inspired town where the kids just can’t have any fun. The son of the dictator/mayor, Tommy, is miserable. Enter Frosty, who helps the kids rally together to just let loose and have a good time. That’s basically it. And while the hyper-capitalist part is a bit of theorizing on my part, I am not joking about the authoritarianism portrayed. The villain wants to control everybody in the town. It’s psychotic and I love it.

Have a wonderful winter break, guys, and I will not be taking questions on my bad taste please.

5. Spirited Away (for those who don’t like horror)

“Spirited Away” is, of course, a very well-known film. If you somehow aren’t familiar, it’s about a girl who must work in a bathhouse for spirits in order to save her parents after they undergo a horrible transformation. It’s not a horror film, but that’s a good thing if you dislike them. It’s a great film.

4. The Stepfather (1987) (for those who like thrillers)

“The Stepfather” is a personal favourite. It’s about a man who is willing to do anything to obtain the ‘perfect’ family. It’s a horror/thriller with a lot of great elements, but I think one of the standouts is Terry O’Quinn’s acting (he plays Jerry Blake, the eponymous stepfather). He really does a great job.

3. Creep (for those who like found footage)

Found footage has obviously had a boom in the past twenty years, after “The Blair Witch Project” was released in 1999. However, there’s a whole world of found footage beyond “Blair Witch.” And while not all of them are great (including the many sequels to “Blair Witch”), a lot of them expanded on the genre. “Creep” is one of those movies. It’s about a would-be director, Aaron, who finds an ad online for someone looking for someone to film them in his remote cabin. While he’s hesitant, the subject, Josef, seems sincere enough, so he agrees. But it turns out that maybe Josef isn’t what he seems (who would’ve guessed?).

2. Candyman (1992) (for those who like supernatural slashers)

“Candyman,” in my opinion, is a blends slashers and supernatural horror really well. It’s set against the backdrop of gentrification in Chicago as a white academic, Helen Lyle, is finishing her thesis on urban legends. She soon learns about the ‘Candyman.’ According to legend, if you say his name five times, he’ll appear.

1. Alien (for those who like sci-fi horror)

“Alien” is a sci-fi horror about a space crew who discover a distant planet. When exploring the planet, one member is attacked by a creature. Breaking quarantine protocol, the member is let in for emergency surgery. Soon, the crew ends up regretting their decision, as they become hunted by the titular alien.