Washing Your Hands and Other Things I Thought Everyone Did
One of the quintessential aspects of going to college is meeting people from different backgrounds who may have different cultures, identities, and habits. While this can become one of the most valuable parts of these four years, sometimes, you learn a little bit too much about the habits of the 1.6 thousand freshmen you’re going to spend your next four years living with.
1. Washing your Hands
I thought listening to someone flush the toilet and immediately walk out the door was going to be one of the many things I left behind in High School. At least then I could always assume that it was a 14 year old boy who was only recently discovering deodorant and that maybe washing his hands was a bit of a large ask. By college, washing your hands is the type of thing we all need to have figured out.
What’s worse is that I hear (Or, I suppose, don’t hear) this happens most often when I’m eating in commons or making a pilgrimage to Rand. Listen. Fecal matter has no nutritional value. If you’re looking for that extra protein, grab some chicken or grab a shake from Blenz, not your bowels.
2. Cleaning Lint Out of Dryers
Last Thursday, a fire alarm was called for all of the Commons while many of us were in the midst of studying for Gen Chem. Luckily, this was just a drill, but knowing the number of times I’ve had to remove lint from the dryer before pressing start – and the number of times I’ve watched people not do this makes me worry that one day, we won’t be evacuating as a practice exercise. Leaving lint in dryers is how we start fires.
Freshmen already get flack due to being first-years a little clueless about how life on a college campus works. Don’t let our lint fuel the flames.
3. Not Pressing Random Buttons in the Elevator?
Maybe this is a Crawford specific callout, but every day, there’s someone who rings the bell in the elevator. Dear whoever you are, please don’t. Usually, elevators are a way to avoid climbing multiple flights of stairs after walking across Vanderbilt’s 132 acres of hilly campus. It is not a musical instrument. Honestly, this is probably the most unexpected complaint I have about living at college. What goes on in your head, bellringer? Why are you the way that you are?
4. Making Sure You Don’t Leave Chunks of Toothpaste (Or Food) In the Sink
Not that I don’t love knowing that not only do 9 out of 10 dentists recommend Crest Whitening Toothpaste but that my floormates do too, I think there are better ways than leaving its remains in the sink. Just because it can clean your teeth doesn’t mean it’s clean to leave in the sink. I don’t have much more to say on this topic.
5. Taking Notes (Or at least online shopping) During Lecture
In all of my lectures, there’s at least one student who sits with their laptop and notebook closed for the entirety of the lecture. I don’t know how they do it. Even if the class is easy, are they never tempted to do some online shopping? Do they never want to design cars they’ll never be able to afford? Do they never crave Papa’s Freezeria? From my hardest classes to my most boring, these people are a phenomenon I’ll never understand. Is this a result of great hubris or little care? What are they thinking about? I fear this may be a mystery I’ll never solve.
5 Things I’m Secretly Hoping My Parents Bring This Parents’ Weekend
Because paying tuition isn’t enough.
1. Socks
Dear Parents,
I came to college with 22 pairs of socks. Two weeks in and I’m at 7. I’ve also turned all my whites bright red. No, I don’t know where they’re going. Yes, I’ve tried checking the machines. Sorry for always accusing you of losing my socks. It turns out it was a me-problem all along.
Thanks,
Your Laundry-challenged Sock-Eater.
2. Dayquil/Nyquil
Dear Parents,
Although a congested nose may help me in French, I’m afraid the brain fog that accompanies a cold may render Stevenson completely unnavigable. In good health, I accidentally wandered into a meeting for a business frat last Thursday. In poor health, I don’t want to know where I’d end up. To process my emotions, I’ve taken to poetry:
The Commodore Cough,
The Freshman Flu
Hear it and scoff,
But it’s coming for you
Thanks,
Your Future Poet Laureate
3. Sneaker Deodorizers
Dear Parents,
Who would’ve guessed that wearing the same pair of sneakers for 14 hours straight over 7 days a week wouldn’t be horrifically stinky? Febreeze and baby powder can only take you so far. Just because my dorm is the size of a shoebox doesn’t mean it should smell like one. Was this TMI? Who cares. SOS (Save our sinuses).
Thanks,
YourChildWhoDoesn’tActuallySmellButIsLookingOutForTheFutureOfHerDormIPromise.
4. Portable Battery
Dear Parents,
Do you remember when you told me that it wouldn’t be the end of the world if my phone died? This feels a little bit like an ‘I told you so’ moment. Without a charged phone, I can’t get into my dorm unless I, God forbid, ask someone for help.
Thanks,
And I told you so.
5. Water Bottle Brush & Dish Soap
Dear Parents,
After two weeks, I’m not sure that I’ve seen anyone clean their water bottle. Maybe I’m not looking in the right places, but if I continue to live like this I might start a bacterial culture on my straw before we hit midterms; especially if the legends regarding the Commodore Cough, Vandy Virus, or Freshman Flu turn out to be true. For the sake of preventing another world pandemic, I’m in desperate need of a funny shaped sponge and some Dawn.
Thanks,
Your soon-to-be biohazard.
Bonus: My Cat
Dear Parents,
This was just an excuse to post Frida on MCL. I do miss her, though, and I’m growing increasingly concerned about her weight. Please stop feeding her cheese in the morning.
Thanks,
Your daughter
Sitting on Seating: The Definitive Rating of the Chairs of Commons
By Elena Parisi & Madelyn Pelletier
1. Dorm Desk Chairs
Overall Rating: ★★☆☆☆
“If you are really in it for the college experience, five out of five! But if you want comfort, style and a little bit of flair… one,” junior and VUceptor Kady Hillman said.
Comfort: ★★★☆☆
Although the fabric appears unassuming, sitting on this chair for too long will give you the phantom feeling of bugs crawling on any skin left uncovered. This is possibly a psychological consequence of knowing that countless other freshmen have sat in these seats before and that the upper limit on how clean a freshman dorm can actually get is quite low.
Visuals: ★☆☆☆☆
Minus the curved bar at the bottom, this chair is definitely chair shaped. The most remarkable visual aspect of this chair is its green cushioning that’s just a hue away from being someone’s favorite color, but in its current state will be forever overlooked in its mediocrity.
Armrests: ☆☆☆☆☆
Ready to consider a hard math problem? Looking to review a paper before submitting? Wondering whether the dorm normally makes noises like that, or if your ceiling is about to collapse? This chair lacks the armrests that make your deep acts of contemplation possible.
Creativity: ☆☆☆☆☆
It looks like a chair. Even picking another color for the cushioning could get this chair it’s first star in creativity
Practicality: ★★★☆☆
It can be sat on. It fits at the desk. There’s not much more to say.
2. Commons Dining Hall Chairs
Overall Rating: ★★☆☆☆
The dining hall chair is ugly, uncomfortable, and boring. However, it does exactly what it is supposed to do: provide students a place to eat.
Comfort: ★★☆☆☆
This chair is wooden and hard, which is overall not conducive to comfort. The indent in the seat and the angle of the chair’s back are good features. However, it is still the kind of chair that leads butt-numbness when sat in for extended periods of time.
Visuals: ★★☆☆☆
This chair is pretty ugly. As seen in the photo it’s also chipped. “These are actually the ones I’ve seen fully broken before,” junior and VUceptor Layne Foeder said. That’s a bad look.
Armrests: ★★★☆☆
There are no armrests. However, armrests are not the best for dining hall chairs. They may get in the way of eating and of entering/leaving your seat due to the crampness of the dining hall.
Creativity: ☆☆☆☆☆
BORING. I’ve seen this chair 1000 times before.
Practicality: ★★★★★
We must remember that this chair is designed for eating. You don’t want it too fancy. Adding cushions or fabric will increase comfort and visuals, but they will get disgusting with spilled food. The chair serves its purpose very well as a place to sit in for a brief time while eating.
3. Lower Quad Lawn Chairs
Madelyn for scale.
Overall Rating: ★★★★☆
It’s probably a red flag to hate this chair. Iconic, comfortable, casual.
“If you do study on it, watch for the photographers, because they will capture you in the most unsuspecting moment,” Hillman said.
Comfort: ★★★☆☆
If you’re willing to lean all the way back, these chairs are comfortable. If you’re not, you’re better off sitting in the grass. “If you’re short, like me, you can fit your legs up in there and, like, criss cross action and relax,” Foeder said.
Visuals: ★★★★★
Their design is iconic and they’re possibly one of the most chairy chairs to ever chair. They’re pleasing to the eye, and placed exactly where you would expect them to be. This chair is in perfect harmony with nature.
Armrests: ★★★★★
They’re big. They’re possibly bigger than necessary, but an exorbitant surface area on an armrest has never been a bad thing. If I’m completely honest, it’s not super clear whether these are really big armrests or just really tiny tables at this point. Whatever they may be, they’re perfect just the way they are.
Creativity: ★★★☆☆
While, as stated above, their design is iconic, it also lacks creative flair. If I asked somebody to picture a lawn chair, chances are they’d imagine this exact chair. Further, as you’ll notice, the most common chair color on commons is green.
Practicality: ★★★★☆
The lawn chairs made for lounging will let you lounge on the lawn (shocking). If they weren’t so rigid in the posture you must take one to properly enjoy these chairs, they could be a 5/5. Still, the world is about flexibility, and it’s not always fair to expect the world to conform to what’s most comfortable for you.
4. Crawford Lounge Green Table Chairs
Overall Rating: ★★★☆☆
Most mid chair ever.
Comfort: ★★★☆☆
These chairs have some cushioning that makes them not uncomfortable, but not the most comfortable either. Very average.
Visuals: ★★★☆☆
Someone probably thought they ate with that fabric pattern. I mean A for effort but that Crawford green is a little gross.
Armrests: ★★☆☆☆
There are in fact armrests, which is nice while studying. However, they’re pretty thin. Your arm might slide right off. Very average.
Creativity: ★★☆☆☆
The fabric design shows that at least some thought was put in. The chair shape itself is boring. Once again, very average. Further, another green chair. Vanderbilt get non-green chairs 2024.
Practicality: ★★★★★
It’s definitely a chair. It’s good for sitting in, good for studying, good for group meetings around that big table, good for everything.
5. Commons Wooden High Chairs
Overall Rating: ★★★☆☆
What’s to love? All aspects of this chair are standard with exception to the below par comfortability and the above par leg length.
Comfort: ★★☆☆☆
This chair is all hard edges. Little is done to accommodate the human body besides making sure there is a flat surface to sit on. Even the back of the chair is too short to really enjoy, unless you’re lacking vertically.
Visuals: ★★☆☆☆
Not pictured in this photo is the back of the chair which is blue. I don’t think that adds to the chair’s visual appeal, but rather demonstrates the lack of cohesion in this chair’s design. It’s height, amplified by it’s thin metal legs, reminds me a little too much of a baby giraffe. I like the notion of a tall chair, but the execution leaves much to be desired (like, for instance, any semblance of effort).
Armrests: ★★★★★
This chair serves as an exception to the general rule that armrests are to be desired. Paired with its height, armrests would make getting into this chair even more difficult, and when you’re sitting down with potential friends from orientation, struggling into an armed (as in with armrests, not with weaponry) high chair is probably not the best first impression.
Creativity: ★★☆☆☆
Whoever designed this chair took another chair and just made the legs really long. The back is blue which is something, at least.
Practicality: ★★★☆☆
Again, you can sit on it. We aren’t going to ask much more of this chair.
6. Commons Amazon Hub Study Booth
Madelyn for scale.
Overall Rating: ★★★★☆
This chair is great because it provides you a comfortable study space while keeping you mysterious. The location leaves something to be desired though.
Comfort: ★★★★★
Veryyyyyyy comfortable. Nice and squishy with walls to lean against. “That is serenity, seclusion, peace,” Foeder said.
Visuals: ★★★★★
Black is classic. This looks so cool.
Armrests: ★★★★★
They’re big, soft, and comfy, everything you could ever ask for.
Creativity: ★★★★★
Your own personal hub for studying with walls to block out others? Genius.
Practicality: ★★★☆☆
How comfortable is too comfortable? We did see a student in there with her laptop open, laying down and scrolling TikTok. “If you have your heart set on it, make sure like nobody’s sleeping in it before you like, really go for it,” Hillman said. Might be hard to lock in.
Special considerations: Bonus points for the pull-out table. Minus points because it’s right next to the Amazon lockers. Try not to get a door opened in your face.
7. Memorial House Lounge Chairs
Elena for scale.
Overall Rating: ★★★☆☆
Probably good, but it’s a hard sell when your dorm bed is less than 100ft away.
Comfort: ★★★☆☆
The chair designers went too far in making this chair. As with most things, moderation is key and this chair gives you way too much space. Is it physically comfortable? Yes. Psychologically, though, the space can leave you feeling vulnerable. Still, this is a mostly comfortable chair.
Visuals: ★★★☆☆
There’s really nothing to it. The fabric print is okay, but at the very least, it’s not green (Unlike a majority of Common’s non wooden chairs).
Armrests: ★★★☆☆
This chair was designed for people who don’t have elbows. The armrests are positioned right at the top of the back, as if whoever designed this chair was an alien who didn’t realize our arms can bend twice. Extra credit for proof of earth’s first space-based furniture company.
Creativity: ★★☆☆☆
It looks like a chair. What can I say?
Practicality: ★★★★☆
This is a rare scenario where being only moderately comfortable works in the chair’s favor. If the Amazon Hub Study Booths are the tower of Babel, these Memorial Lounge Chairs are an act of piety to the chair designers of old.
8. Commons Ornate Wooden Chair
Overall Rating: ★★☆☆☆
While this chair looks beautiful, it is not ideal for actually sitting and feels out of place.
Comfort: ☆☆☆☆☆
Wood and hard. The back is just a wall, so you can’t lean back. You definitely don’t want to sit here for very long.
Visuals: ★★★★★
That woodworking is gorgeousssss. The vines are so ornate. The deep color gives it a very vintage feel. Kind of like you should find it in a museum and not in a random spot in the Commons Center?
Armrests: ☆☆☆☆☆
No armrests, no stars.
Creativity: ★★★★★
This is for sure the most unique chair on this list. I wonder how long it took to carve those leaves into the wood.
Practicality: ☆☆☆☆☆
Is this actually meant to be a chair? Probably not. But you can sit on it so we’re including it in this list.
9. Stambaugh Hexachair Circle Table
Overall Rating: ★☆☆☆☆
An affront to the goodness of humanity. “I hate them,” Foeder said.
Comfort: ★★☆☆☆
You know your friends hate you if they make you sit in the chair that’s in front of the table’s legs. Luckily, this table makes sure everyone experiences that discomfort. If I’m honest, I think these chairs are consciously malicious.
Visuals: ☆☆☆☆☆
I’m not sure whether I should compare these chairs (Or is it just a singular chair? What defines the individual?) to Frankenstein’s monster or the human centipede. Either way, it makes me uncomfortable.
Armrests: ★★★☆☆
My initial feeling was that similar to the Commons High Chairs, these chairs were better off without armrests since it would make it too difficult to get in. Unfortunately, they’re difficult to get in already since you can’t move them.
Creativity: ★★★★☆
Possibly too creative. I hate this.
Practicality: ★★☆☆☆
In a place of higher education, Hexachair Circle Tables serve as a reminder that we must work to be better each day. Take advantage of the opportunities that university offers you in order to not invent chairs such as these.
10. Martha River Ingram’s Chair
Overall Rating: ★★★★★★★★★★
This is the best chair on not only Commons, but on all of campus. And yes, I’ve only been to Main like once as of writing this, but that’s unimportant. This chair cannot be topped.
Comfort: ★★★★★
The statue was erected in 2012, which means Martha has been sitting in this chair for 12 years straight. It must be incredibly comfortable. Just look at that cushioning.
Visuals: ★★★★★
Chair looks great, Martha looks great. Very regal vibes.
Armrests: ★★★★★
These are the ideal armrests.
Creativity: ★★★★★
Martha’s chair is surrounded by three stone blocks. These blocks serve seats for freshmen to symbolically talk with her. According to Vanderbilt, the statue was “commissioned by Vanderbilt University to honor her leadership and philanthropic service.” And they’ve even got her holding that campus reading book, which she can’t seem to focus on either.
Practicality: ★★★★★
This is the perfect chair for Martha to watch over Lower Quad and judge freshmen as they walk back and forth from the package tent on move-in day. Are you sure you need all those throw pillows?