Being half Mexican and half Salvadoran is the best of both worlds. Pupusas and Chilaquiles for all the major holidays, two independence days, two cultures to celebrate, and two traditions bonded through language, culture, and familia. It breaks my heart to say that I wasn’t always so loving of my identities, but it’s true. Moving from Inglewood, California to Yukon, Oklahoma- a place filled with people who looked like me and spoke like me to a place where I was the only Spanish-speaking brown kid in a classroom full of white 5th graders- terrified me. This fear quickly began to turn into shame and I started to feel like an outcast because of where I came from. I began to hide my heritage. I began to look at my Latino identity, not as a source of pride, but as a burden.
Let’s pause right there. Firstly, to all my Latin familia, getting into Vanderbilt is an absolutely amazing achievement. One you should celebrate and be proud of yourself for. Vandy has been my dream school since 7th grade and now I finally get to call it home. However, it’s no secret that Vanderbilt remains a PWI (Predominantly White Institution). As Latinos/as, it’s more than likely that we had to work harder than most to get to where we are right now. Whether it be working multiple jobs in high school to support our families, translating hours of important legal documents, stressing about our parents’ immigration statuses, and dealing with the constant fear and stress that many of us face about our families being deported or jailed simply by lacking a piece of paper. I struggled with many of these myself, and I was looking forward to the relief I would feel once all these problems vanished as soon as I hit Vandy’s campus. Long story short, they didn’t. In fact, I only saw more problems when I arrived. The pressures of making friends, exceeding in academics, and finding my community in a space that (once again) was lacking in representing my culture, language, AND people. These were all things I couldn’t stop thinking about once I got here and I’m sure you may have your own specific doubts and fears coming into Vanderbilt this fall. This brings me back to my story.
I struggled for so long with trying to fit myself into a mold that wasn’t meant for me. I felt isolated, scared, and ashamed because I wanted to be me, but I wasn’t sure if “me” would be accepted. That’s when my parents, armed with Pan Dulce, Chocolate Abuelita, and some damn good dichos, changed my perspective on what it truly meant to be Latino. Now, I’d like to share some of that advice with you and maybe it can be of some use to you navigating through your freshman year at Vandy as a person of Latin descent. Vamos.
“Mejor Solo/a Que Mal Acompañado/a”
I hate this saying. I hate it because it’s true. “Better to be alone than in bad company.” Coming into a new environment with 1600 other people can be nerve-racking, especially if you’re like me and HATE being alone. However, it’s important to recognize that desperation for connection is NOT the way to form meaningful friendships/relationships. Desperate friendships often end in disappointing fallouts. (Damn I needa quote that…) Building relationships should be intentional and exciting! Take these few weeks to get to know as many or as few people as you feel comfortable with! Let the conversations make themselves and don’t force any connections out of a desperate need to be in a group/friendship/relationship! A desperate need for connection can also lead to sacrificing what makes you, you. I was scared of not connecting, terrified of the idea of doing anything without the security that meaningful relationships brought. That led me to sacrifice not only my cultural identity but also the meaningful relationships that could have come from me just being ME. Your culture makes you unique, it makes you interesting, and it can lead to so many deep, truly meaningful connections with others. Getting to know and appreciate yourself as you are is one of the best ways to avoid toxic or harmful friendships/relationships formed out of insecurity.
“Nadie Sabe Lo Que Tiene Hasta Que Lo Pierde.”
I wish I could take all of those moments in elementary school back. The moments of me hiding my culture, my language, my personality, my heritage. I look back on all of the possible shame I could have avoided, the good conversations I could have had with my mom in the lunch line, and the beautiful culture I could have taught my peers. “You don’t know what you have until you’ve lost it.” Saying goodbye to my parents that is all I’m thinking. Sure I’ll see them at Thanksgiving and Christmas and in the Summer, but I’ll never go back to being their elementary schooler again. This is why I ask myself: why didn’t I realize it sooner? Why didn’t I realize how amazing it was to be Latino?! In the same way, I tell you, don’t let this year (4 years even.) pass you by. Don’t let your environment determine your energy. (I am on FIRE today.) Let your energy determine your environment. (guaw.) Bring the energy of your culture and heritage into your daily life, and let others experience the joy and pride you have in being Latino/a! Life is more exciting when you can unapologetically be you and when the energy you exude is organic and original, not only will you attract connections and relationships that prove to be meaningful and valuable, but you will also avoid the pain of regret that can come with hiding who you are.
“Donde Hay Lucha, Hay Fuerza.”
Realize that you made it. Let yourself be content with your accomplishments. You fought through the hurdles that should have never been there, you challenged yourself with experiences that so many other students didn’t need to face and you came out on top. Yes, your job is not done. Another chapter begins and this one could be even harder than the previous one. But always remember that your struggles made you stronger. Possibly my favorite part of this dicho is that this struggle is not solitary, but it is shared as a collective through all Latin American students who many times face the same challenges in different environments. You are not struggling alone, and in the same way, our collective strength as a community is what makes us great. I encourage you to connect with your community, whether it be through student organizations, community service, or whatever helps you find the community that you need to be a part of to be successful. With the Latino/a population at Vanderbilt being so low it can be easy to think that there aren’t resources or communities out there that can understand our struggles, but organizations like MASA (Mexican American Student Association) and ALAS (Association of Latin American Students), prove that our community can thrive anywhere no matter what struggles we face.
I am beyond proud to be Latino, I am proud to be a part of two amazing, culturally rich countries that bring me so much joy to represent. Of course, I am still scared, I am still anxious, I am still unsure about so many things. But I’m not ashamed of bringing my culture wherever I go. I plan to look into many organizations to find my community. All while staying true to who I am. This is Me, and I hope that after reading this you are encouraged to find community, celebrate your heritage, be loud about being Latino/a, but most importantly, just be YOU.
Mucho Amor Familia!