Top 5 Inexplicable Things Overheard at Commons

Just like any other group of diverse people, Vanderbilt first-year students have odd experiences, which in turn lead to odd conversations. Here is a small sampling of the weirdness that takes place on the Vanderbilt campus. Note: You MAY find yourself somewhere in here. If you do, consider yourself honored!


1. The Stevenson Thing
Guy 1: Y’know, I know this dude who spent three days trying to find a classroom to meet a sophomore friend in one of the Stevensons.
Guy 2: No kidding! Why didn’t he just ask somebody?
Guy 1: Yeah, well he tried, but nobody he talked to had ever heard of this particular classroom either.
Guy 2: That is so weird. A classroom that is said to exist, but does actually not exist. Something very New Agey about that.
Guy 1: Ah, but here is the kicker: This sophomore guy evidently has a screwed-up sense of humor. He basically led my friend on a wild goose chase in search of classroom that does not exist. He made the entire classroom up! My friend only found out when the sophomore guy decided to have mercy on him.
Guy 2: Those [CENSORED] sophomores.
Note: Do not trust sophomores! Ever! They are only in it for the lulz!

Photo realistic illustration created in Photoshop and other illustration applications. Three aliens approach in the night. What do they want Where are they from Who knows

2. They Came for Him
Individual 1: Have you seen Tony around anytime recently? I have not laid eyes on him for about two weeks. Strange, considering he lives down the hall from me.
Individual 2: All I know is what I have heard and what my dreams tell me.
Individual 1: Uh, and what may that be?
Individual 2: They came and took him away.
Individual 1: Who? His parents?
Individual 2: No. The Uranians did.
Individual 1: Wait, what, the Iranians kidnapped him?
Individual 2: No, you stupid person you! The beings from Uranus took him on a journey…
Individual 1: Ah, okay. (Shuffles uneasily away, while staring at Individual 2).
Note: Oh dear. I do hope Tony is alright, wherever he is.

3. The Graduate Bunch
Girl 1: Grad Students annoy me.
Girl 2: Why is that?
Girl 1: They act like they know so much more than me.
Girl 2: Well it kind of makes sense, considering they already have their Bachelor’s degree in whatever, and we’re just starting to travel that road.
Girl 1: They still annoy me though. Especially my TA. I want to smack her in the face.
Note: Huh? I thought everyone LOVED their TAs!

4. The Courageous Amongst Us
This Dude to Nobody in Particular: Last night at a party I was dared to eat a can of Purina dog food. And guess what? I did it! Now all my friends think I am both gnarly and awesome!
Note: Be afraid. Be very afraid.

5. Squirrels … The Bane of Mankind
This Girl: So I was just chillin’ on the lawn in front of the Wyatt Center with some snacks, and I decided to go really quickly to go grab something from my room. It didn’t even take five minutes, but when I got back to my spot, this squirrel was sitting on my blanket, eating my bag of Doritos! And, when I went over to shoo it away, it absconded with the bag of Doritos in its mouth! I tried chasing it, but it disappeared somewhere behind West. I feel really bummed about it.
Note: Evidently squirrels like Doritos. Who knew?

And that brings us to the end of this Top 5. How much of this is actually true? If only we knew … Anyhow, if you saw yourself somewhere amongst this chaos, congratulations! With such experiences as these under your belt, you are sure to have some sort of rare and legendary future in store. Questions, comments, threats? Stick ’em there below!


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